Cloak of Fire Resistance

Magic items are magical. Thus like the hat of disguise they should take whatever form the wearer desires to best express their form or function. In this case a business suit suffices. Not exactly what you'd expect for a cloak of fire resistance now is it? However it speak wonderfully of the style of the game. It reminds me a little of The Tuxedo, which was a decent Jackie Chan movie other than Jennifer love hewitt who clearly has none of the capabilities necessary to co star in a Jackie Chan movie.

Art from here

LooneyDM out

Familiars and their ilk

Thinking about all the long lived races in D&D, it makes me wonder why you don't see more of them taking humans and demi humans as familiars. After all they could have class levels to make them a potent threat rather than an xp sinkhole. Also opposable thumbs. Don't underestimate the use of opposable thumbs. Cats don't have them, lizards and bats don't have them, demi humans do. Enough said.

Art from here

LooneyDM out

Sorcerers (and quotes)

Motivation for a character can be tricky, especially if you want something original. You start delving into the weirdness. Or the oddly mundane. Or the entirely simplistic. Hence the thought behind today's poster. After all who doesn't like pretty lights?

DM: Where were we?

Goldielocks: Were were about to win D&D. Cthulu had 5 hp left. And it's my turn. And I haven't used my dailies yet.

DM: The card says...

Tirah: How do you know what my card says better than I do?

Vimac: Metagamer!

Looney: If we give the nugget back can we get 50 xp instead of 50 gp

DM: 25 xp.

Vimac: 30 xp.

DM: 25 xp, no more.

Vimac: I don't think we can handle a brontosaurus. Tail whip and bam! we're in the next zip code.

Goldielocks: I rolled a critical metagaming check.

DM: You're swimming along blupblupblup

DM: Init. You'll probably beat them.

Tirah: 23

Vimac: 25

Goldielocks: 25

Looney: 9

DM: Okay, you *points at looney* don't.

Tirah: I do more damage to myself than he does to me.

Tirah: *fails save against ongoing damage*

Goldielocks: *laughs*

Tirah: You're supposed to be on my side.

DM: *burps* That was the monster bellowing, not the DM burping.

Goldielocks: I roll 3 1's for damage. Lowest possible roll.

DM: And killed it.

DM: I'm requisitioning more table space.

Vimac: He filled out the forms in triplicate.

Looney (speaking about goldielocks): His hair glows and lights up the area.

Vimac: Can we enchant his hair as an everburning torch?

Goldielocks: 54 damage. I love my new at-will power.

DM: He's going to kill it

Looney: Unless he rolls a 1

Vimac: *rolls a 1* action point *rolls a 2*

LooneyDM out

Demonic Pacts

Language warning on today's poster. I've always wondered about the kind of people who would go in for a demonic pact. Especially their fashion sense. I guess they just don't dig the whole "glowing with holy light" look and instead go for the "why yes my parents were into bestiality" look. I mean really. While it can be intimidating, anyone with the slightest sense of humor will see past that to the true ridiculousness of the situation. At least with glowing holy light you can crank it up high enough to blind the naysayers. With goat horns you've got nothing. Sure you could headbutt the detractors but you'd just be confirming their suspicions.

Image from random internet searches

LooneyDM out

Mr. Welch's list

Anyone who's read Mr Welch's list know that you sometimes have players like that. Make them sign a waiver stating they won't use his list as a to do list. Otherwise you could be in for a huge mess. A comedic mess but a mess none the less. So do your homework and get your resident loonies to agree to play along with the style of the campaign. Or get a group full of loonies. That leads to even more fun though.

Mr Welch's List

Image from GIS for to do list

LooneyDM out

Prismatic Sphere (and quotes)

Dog in a bubble! Dog in a bubble!

Quotes away:

Helena: (( question ))

Steely Dan: (( 42 ))

Helena: (( still in a grease area ))

Steely Dan: (( stop lubing everyone up ))

Steely Dan: (( so where is the grass? ))

LooneyDM: (( no grass ))

Steely Dan: (( what do you MEAN no grass? ))

Steely Dan: (( nelven rolled for grass! ))

*Rod of wonder hijinks*

*Helena casts glitterdust

Steely Dan: (( glitterdust? ))

Steely Dan: (( I just kind of feel like helena is really here just to make the dungeon more FABULOUS ))

Atargatis: (( Most of the zombie lords should be dwarves, since the necromancer made them out of a dwarven city ))

Steely Dan: (( well if you're going to be all LOGICAL ))

Atargatis: (( I am )

Atargatis: (( I attack you with the force of my LOGIC! ))

Steely Dan: (( melee touch? that bastard! ))

LooneyDM: (( yes he is ))

LooneyDM: (( but don't talk about it, he's sensitive ))

*clementine casts flame strike

Clementine: I'm sorry, bugbears... you're all fired.

Atargatis: (( We're eliminating our bugbear division. ))

Nelven: (( it burns and it freezes, followed by a tingling sensation ))

LooneyDM: The dwarf waves his fingers and summons a swarm of undead rats

Clementine: o_o ew

Steely Dan: (( GROOVY ))

Atargatis: (( Not even living rats, that we could roast and eat? What a poor sport! ))

LooneyDM: (( and fort saves from both of you ))

* Clementine rolls: d20+11 => 1 + 11 = 12

Clementine: ...

* Atargatis rolls: 1d20+7 foooort => 1 + 7 = 8

Clementine: Suddenly... I feel sick.

Clementine: (( this bodes not well for us. ))

Atargatis: (( That cannot be a coincidence. ))

Clementine: (( I agree. )

Clementine: (( Looney cheated ))

Atargatis: "I'm getting sick of these things! ...Literally."

Nelven: (( wand of wonder? ))

LooneyDM: (( fire away if you want ))

Nelven: (( okay, i aim at the middle of that cluster ))

Helena: (( if you turn me purple I'mma be PISSED ))

Atargatis: (( Waitaminute... those aren't dead undead... those are... PIRATE undead! ))

Atargatis: (( Or possibly poisonous undead ))

* Helena causes massive tentacles to suddenly erupt from the floor

* Atargatis rolls: 1d20+12 grapple I think I'm doing it right PLEASE WORK => 7 + 12 = 19

Atargatis: (( If this thing crushes me, fine, but if it gets fresh? I'm comin' after YOU, Helena ))

Helena: (( oh dear ))

* Atargatis cusses out the tentacle loudly

* Atargatis draws a rhino since there isn't a token for it

Nelven: (( awww. how cute ))

Helena: (( it's so cute ))

Atargatis: (( Replacement Rhino! ))

LooneyDM: (( aww ))

Atargatis: (( New Rhino will kill with cuteness! Also with violence ))

Clementine: (( EE! ))

Helena: (( ADORABLE violence ))

Soaring Acorn: "Please pet me."

* Clementine stares blankly at the squirrel.

Helena: (( ok so he wouldn't say that ?_> ))

Atargatis: (( Squirrel requests snuggles! ))

* Clementine pets his widdle head.

Helena: (( he's happy about it! ))

Clementine : Such a cute squirrel!

Atargatis:

"Damn stupid tentacles- Teleport, gods all damn it!"

Atargatis: (( Kaboom! ))

Atargatis: (( Maybe my activation phrase should be 'There's no place like home'? ))

Helena: (( lol ))

Helena: (( do your boots sparkle? ))

Clementine : (( lol ))

Atargatis: (( No... but if you have some spare Glitterdust, we can fix that! ))

LooneyDM out

PDQ (Silly players)

I've had days like this. You know the days. When the players are loaded up on silly juice and your plots, schemes, and even straight up fights have no chance against their overwhelming silliness. That's when you break out PDQ (Prose Descriptive Qualities) and let everyone play their inner skateboarding parakeet. It's loads of fun. You should give it a try.

Picture from GIS

PDQ

LooneyDM out

Artifacts

I've been watching Stargate SG-1 lately. Artifacts don't have to be weapons. They're so much more fun for the DM when they aren't weapons. I mean look at Stargate. The entire premise of the show revolves around a single "artifact". Whichever DM came up with that idea is straight up genius. He even gets to throw down nearly any time period he can imagine. That still doesn't stop the players from treating the artifact poorly.

Picture is a screen capture from the Stargate SG-1 tv show

LooneyDM out

Creativity (and quotes)

Now I will say that my players have lots of creativity. You should hear the names they call each other when things go wrong. This has no bering on their ability to follow plot hooks or solve puzzles in a manner conducive to progressing the plot. That said their creativity does remind me of the circus in many ways. If you don't believe me, have a look for yourself in this week's quotes.

Quotes:

LooneyDM: Therein he finds a solid metal box. It appears to have no openings

Steely Dan: (( ... ))

Steely Dan: (( I gnaw it open! ))

Atargatis: (( It contains a Jack in the Box! ))

Helena: (( gnaw...it open. ))

Nelven: (( scorching ray big zombie to the north ))

Nelven: (( or wait, should i fireball? hmmm ))

Steely Dan: (( FIREBALL ))

Steely Dan: (( FIREBAAAAAAAAAAAAALL ))

LooneyDM: (( that will provoke from both zombies ))

Helena: (( ow ow ow ))

Steely Dan: (( but why ))

Steely Dan: (( why ))

Steely Dan: (( why are you so mean ))

LooneyDM: (( they have reach ))

Helena: (( o___o ))

Steely Dan: (( you make ninjasquirrel cry ))

Steely Dan: (( I don't understand what just happened ))

Nelven: (( some skellies are stuck in a whirlwind? ))

Steely Dan: (( right but there were like a billion rolls ))

Atargatis: (( Alls I understand is Whirlwind = Dead zombies = awesome ))

LooneyDM: The skeletons aren't able to shoot straight as they spin round and round and round

Steely Dan: (( that's a funny image ))

Atargatis: (( Aaaaand now 'You Spin me Right Round (like a record)' is running through my head ))

Clementine: (( yes, I have summon v ))

Atargatis: (( V? Like... hastily scrawled seagulls? ))

Clementine: (( hastily... scrawled seagulls? ))

Atargatis: (( You know. The kind you draw as little v's ))

Clementine: (( and all they say is "Mine?" ))

Atargatis: (( Summon a flock of them! They'll get rid of the fog ))

Atargatis: (( I think this warblade right in front of me looks like he could use some crushing. With Bonecrusher. ))

LooneyDM: (( actually crusaders ))

Atargatis: (( Whatever, he has a 'w' next to his name ))

Atargatis: (( Bugbear vs Blackbear! This week, on Deadliest Warrior! ))

* Clementine rolls: d20+11 GIGA SLAMARAMAH! => 15 + 11 = 26

Helena: (( CRYSTAL FIST OF THE NORTH STAR ))

LooneyDM: The elemental hits the bugbear

Helena: (( IT'S GOIN' WHERE THE SUN DON'T SHINE ))

Helena: (( THAT'S STONE COLD BUTTHURT, RIGHT THERE ))

Steely Dan: (( soaring acorn is also immune to cold! ))

LooneyDM: (( what? ))

Steely Dan: (( okay that's a lie, he's freezing his nuts off ))

Steely Dan: (( so does it resist the energy? ))

VortDM: (( energy? ))

Steely Dan: (( electricity whatever ))

Helena: (( ENERGY, MAN ))

Helena: (( ENERGY ))

LooneyDM: The warrior barely remains standing after the troll's onslaught

Nelven: (( the hell! ))

Steely Dan: (( stupid poophead crusader ))

LooneyDM: Atargatis leaves a mark on the bugbear

Steely Dan: (( I imagine the mark is in the shape of a hammer with a beard ))

Steely Dan: (( 'cause, elder mountain hammer ))

LooneyDM out

Lightning Bolt

Zappy Zappy Zappy. Who doesn't love a good lightning bolt? Quick and effective at all ranges also doubles as a makeshift alarm clock when your sleepy head fighter just won't get out of bed.

Speaking of getting out of bed, I'm finally off the night shift so updates should be back to regular starting this week.

LooneyDM out.

PC Plans

You know you've had players like this. The ones who can make killing a friendly npc or pc sound like a good idea or even the solution for eliminating the evil overlord of the week. I have many players like this and I praise the lord for them every week. It's a riot!

Art from Girl Genius

LooneyDM out

Magic Missile

Ah the classics. Magic missile has been around for a darn long time and been used against all sorts of amusing and not so amusing targets. The darkness would be one of the amusing targets. You can also make the awesome *pew pew* noises when you fire it off. It's very much a pew pew spell. Which is odd because pews are in churches and magic missile is an arcane spell instead of divine.

LooneyDM *out*

Staff Chick

Staff chicks. If you've played any of the Final Fantasy, or any JRPG for that matter, you know about staff chicks. For those who don't they're basically the healer girl for your male sword wielding hero. They're also frequently the love interest of the story. Staff chicks, 'nuff said.

Art from here

LooneyDM out