Wall of Fire (and quotes)

The wall of fire! It burns! Sadly I have no quotes about setting things on fire. But I do have quotes:

Clementine: You're welcome, Tar-tar.

Clementine: Wait... where did that come from?

Atargatis: "...Tar-Tar?"

Helena: (( now watch, THIS swordsage has awesome fort saves ))

LooneyDM: (( just for you he got a save boost ))

Helena: (( WHAT? ))

Helena: (( you bastage ))

LooneyDM: (( just kidding ))

Helena: (( :( ))

* Helena tacitly pulls a wand from her cloak. Suddenly the entire area is covered in thick mist.

LooneyDM: (( obsucring mist? ))

Steely Dan: (( that is so dirty ))

Nelven: (( ... ))

Steely Dan: (( pulls out a WAND ))

Steely Dan: (( THICK MIST ))

Nelven: (( get that head out of the gutter ))

Helena: (( wow, short session is short ))

Atargatis: ....I forgot to set my pizza-cooking timer

Steely Dan: YER MAKIN' PIZZA!?

Nelven: What's a... pizza?

Steely Dan: Ah dinnae ken, but if'n ye cook it, it must be food

Helena: "Pizza is delicious."

Atargatis: (( Hey, when Atargatis says things, she puts it in quotes ))

Atargatis: (( So really she just emoted the sensation of having forgotten to set a timer for pizza ))

LooneyDM: The lightning bolt tickles the scorpion

Nelven: (( does it giggle? ))

*giant scorpion crab grapple pins Atargatis

Helena: (( to transpose Nelven and Atargatis or not to transpose Nelven and Atargatis... ))

Nelven: (( what! ))

Steely Dan: (( by the way steely is slightly more intelligent now. I upped his int. ))

Steely Dan: (( now I am dumb as a rock ))

Steely Dan: (( instead of dumber than a rock ))

*talking about a folding boat that changes size when the magic words "hokey pokey" are spoken*

Clementine: We should name this boat.

Nelven: (( the hokey pokey? ))

Atargatis: (( No, if we did that, it would change size every time we tried to talk about it ))

Helena: (( Looney, I want to do something outside of the rules ))

LooneyDM: (( what sort of something? ))

Steely Dan: (( seducing the bugbears is illegals ))

LooneyDM: (( seducing is well within the rules ))

Clementine: (( I think the bugbears should spell words... like a marching band. ))

Atargatis: (( That's what would pep up this fight - a Sousa march! ))

*LooneyDM spells out "DIE" with the bugbears

Clementine: (( ... but not that word. ))

Steely Dan: (( ... ))

Steely Dan: (( I FEEL LIKE ))

Steely Dan: (( THEY ARE TRYING ))

Steely Dan: (( TO TELL ME SOMETHING ))

LooneyDM: (( Atargatis is up ))

Helena: (( crack its head open ))

Helena: (( ELDER MOUNTAIN HAMMER ))

Atargatis: (( Might as well! It's HAMMER TIME ))

* Atargatis rolls: 1d20+14 => 20 + 14 = 34

Atargatis: (( ... ))

Helena: (( YES ))

Steely Dan: (( YEAH ))

Steely Dan: (( UNLEASH THE FURY ))

*bugbear was overkilled by 70 points of damage

* Nelven rolls: 4d6+2 Scorching Ray => 10 + 2 = 12

Nelven: (( average, figures. ))

Nelven: (( is he still alive? ))

LooneyDM: The bugbear burns but remains standing.

LooneyDM: (( WITH ONE HIT POINT! ))

Steely Dan: (( highfive! ))

Steely Dan: (( or in this case... lowfive? ))

Atargatis: (( Lowfive it is! ))

* Atargatis rolls: 1d8+4+1d6+2d6+2d6+4d6 damage groar! => 1 + 4 + 2 + 12 + 12 + 20 = 51

Atargatis: (( Survive THAT ))

LooneyDM: (( Clementine is up ))

Helena: (( she does a jig ))

* Clementine does an old-woman jig.

* Clementine 's arms flap in the breeze.

* Steely Dan rolls: 1d20+16 => 9 + 16 = 25

LooneyDM: (( that will hit, if your luck holds true ))

Steely Dan: (( okay ))

Steely Dan: (( I will say... high hits ))

* Steely Dan rolls: 1d100 => 51

*After the party fails to miss despite being entirely blinded AGAIN!

LooneyDM: (( I hate you all ))

Atargatis: (( Hate us? We're just trying to wrap up the fight so you can rest your aching muscles! ))

Atargatis: (( We kill your bugbears because we love you! ))

Steely Dan: (( we paint a window on the wall ))

Steely Dan: (( and then you use the sphere ))

Steely Dan: (( oh and we put spikes in that window ))

Steely Dan: (( so the sphere throws them on spikes ))

Steely Dan: (( and we'll cover the spikes with acid too. for good measure. ))

Nelven: (( i like that idea! ))

Atargatis: (( Me too ))

LooneyDM: (( let's get this show on the road ladies ))

Clementine: (( not even going to give us a chance to use diplomacy? ))

Steely Dan: (( ...hahaha we are all chicks aren't we ))

Steely Dan: (( yeah but it's just funny when he's all "let's go ladies" and I'm like "hey we're not... oh wait, our CHARACTERS are male" ))

Steely Dan: (( the window is good. our trap is laid. ))

LooneyDM: (( it's like the window from good night moon ))

Steely Dan: (( yes except it's GOOD NIGHT BUGBEARS AMIRITE ))

Atargatis: (( I do have a second attack stat ))

Atargatis: (( But I've never used it ))

LooneyDM: (( no time like the present ))

* Atargatis rolls: 1d20+11 => 1 + 11 = 12

LooneyDM: (( I gues the present hates you ))

Atargatis: (( No presents? Aw! ))

LooneyDM: (( why is this bugbear named paul? ))

Clementine: (( why not? ))

Clementine: (( don't you LIKE his name? ))

LooneyDM: (( because it's a horrible name for a bug bear ))

Clementine: (( he's rather attached to it. ))

Clementine: (( now you've hurt his feelings ;n; ))

Atargatis: (( Paul and George, but no John or Ringo? ))

LooneyDM: (( they should be named stuff like undergotten ))

LooneyDM: (( not Paul ))

Clementine: (( John and Ringo are dead. ))

Atargatis: (( Then name some of the dead Bugbears John and Ringo ))

Clementine: (( I suppose you don't like Larry, either? ))

VortDM: (( no ))

Nelven: (( who gave them names? XD ))

Clementine: (( <_<>

LooneyDM: (( at least there's no curly or moe ))

Atargatis: (( How about Inky, Blinky, and Sue? ))

Clementine: (( they get points in stooging. ))

Steely Dan: (( could be another larry ))

Steely Dan: (( like, the cable guy ))

Clementine : I have a nice PIE for yoU!

Steely Dan: Pie?

Steely Dan: Ah'd like some pie

* Clementine whispers. Doom pie.

Helena: (( Then I'd name the horse Pikachu Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way the Electric Emo Horse ))

Clementine: (( nakidmancer? ))

Helena: (( I want the deathknight to be my pet ))

Clementine: (( that sounds kinky. ))

Helena: (( I'll call him Charlie ))

Helena: (( I count 1 bugbear, and its name is JEREMIAH ))

Helena: (( today's session will be sitting down and having a nice tea with Jeremiah ))

Steely Dan: (( I shall bring the crumpets ))

Nelven: (( okay then, myko, you need to infiltrate that bugbear lair, and find a way to kil that deathknight before it gets to us ))

Clementine: (( initiation! ))

Helena: (( « 1d20+19 = 19 + 19 = 38 » bugbear warrior ))

Steely Dan: (( oh man you are gonna know EVERYTHING ))

Helena: (( I make a check for each type, right? ))

Steely Dan: (( what his favorite color is ))

Steely Dan: (( boxers or briefs ))

Nelven: (( do you want me to grab the wand now or later? ))

Nelven: (( i can do my own empowering first ))

Helena: (( grab the rod now ))

Steely Dan: (( grab it. oh yeah. that's it. ))

Steely Dan: (( grab it REAL GOOD ))

Helena: (( .... ))

Nelven: (( ... ))

Steely Dan: (( <_<>

Helena: (( stupid magic items being suggestive ))

Nelven: (( up yours ))

Steely Dan: (( no I think helena wants it up yours ))

LooneyDM out

Pyrotechnics

Setting things on fire. One of the humble pasttimes of RPG characters everywhere. What is it about fire than entrances us so? Is it the primal fascination with something so unlike anything else occurring in nature that draws us in? The hypnotic motion of the flicker light? The fact that it emits light so close to us? I assume we do it for the pretty colors. Same goes for explosions.

LooneyDM out

Rules Complexity

There's something to be said for non-complex games. And then people have to go doing crazy things like adding more complexity to games like rock paper scissors. Wasn't the original good enough for you? Did you have to mess it up so much with all those house rules that while technically balanced are nigh impossible to remember? I get this way about people adding massive amounts of homebrew to simple rpgs as well. It just doesn't make any sense!

On my opinion of rules complexity: I feel one should have as much complexity as you need to appropriately model the playstyle of the genre. For example, any version of D&D has too many rules for a swashbuckling game. They're simply too complex to encourage the style of play the exemplifies swashbuckling games. Contrary-wise, D&D of any version simply doesn't have enough rules to accomplish what Exalted or Rifts expect from their genre's.

Art from GIS for rock paper scissors

LooneyDM out

Rescue Quests

Rescue quests are a staple of fantasy gaming and RPGs in general. This cliche trope exists in nearly every D&D campaign that has been run. This doesn't stop an enterprising DM from changing things up to play off the assumptions of the players for everyone's amusement. Like having the princess be quite happy to be out of her stuffy home and having fun painting up the dragon. If you're stuck for ideas I recommend "The Ransom of Red Chief" by O Henry.

LooneyDM out

Plane Shift (and quotes)

Plane shift is a lovely way to start a campaign. Or end one. Which reminds me. One of my saturday games shifted to ravenloft. There was much rejoicing. *muted yay*. The immediate upside is that our regular DM is hilarious as a player, especially when he bounces comments off either his wife or another player he's been playing D&D with forever. The other upside is our stand in DM likes us to play at higher levels so we're mid paragon (4e stuff) tier for this one shot into ravenloft. After that it's another plane shift to dark sun! Bring on the starvation, dehydration, and cannibalism!

Qutoes:

DM: You have to use your imagination.

Goldielocks: But that's what you're here for.

Vimac: I'll go with victorious surge.

DM: To victory, and beyond!

M: Anyone want to commit suicide?

Goldielocks: I'm good at that.

DM: You cross a bridge over the river.

Vimac: The river Kwai?

DM: They introduce you to the talking chief.

Goldielocks: The talking sheep?

DM: Good conjuring trick.

Tirah: I am divine

Cecilia: I'm using this pencil because I can take out both Green Lanterns with it.

DM: A corroded bronze tube.

Vimac: Tuba

DM: It looks like the metal tube was used as a megaphone.

Cecilia: I announce 'all your base are belong to us'.

DM: One of the greyhawk deities has six shooters from the wild west.

Cecilia: He's rocking it Jonathan Hex style.

Vimac: Where do you think Jonathan Hex came from?

Looney: The wilden impales you.

Cecilia: You're not the DM of me.

Flora: Wilden always speak as we.

Tirah: Would your we like to join our we?

Flora: Flora will come back as her cousin

DM: Fauna

LooneyDM out

New Players

We've all had that new player. Whether they arrive of their own volition or dragged by a friend they happen to all DMs. One player who simply doesn't get it and makes honest mistakes to the amusement of all the others at the table. You have to keep your amusement to yourself though or they may not come back. That's one variety.

Occasionally you get the ones who are intentionally obtuse for the straight up enjoyment of the rest of the group. These players should be treasured. Until they become annoying. Then they should be whacked with a nerf bat until they fall back in line, for the moment. Eventually they'll creep back into the spotlight with unignorable crazy antics.

Art by Jolly Jack

Until next time LooneyDM out

Epic Sandbox Games

There are days I wish I could be prepared enough to run an epic sandbox game IN SPACE! Then I realize I barely keep this blog updated on time and won't be able to rock that sort of preparation.

LooneyDM out.

Evil Hideouts (and quotes)

Ever wish you had a secret lair? Ever wish you had a theme song to go with that secret lair? I sure do. Seeing Jonathan Coulton at PAX got me thinking about evil lairs and hideouts. Even if I wasn't evil I think I'd want one. After all you get to hide stuff in them and have secrets. Secret passages! Also plenty of room to have one of those big world maps to plot world domination. Or play wargames. To stick with the theme here's quotes from the monster game I DM. They're fairly evil and getting worse every session.

Soban: (( Which we heroically rescued... Most of ))

Moastuo: (( "heroically" ))

* Moastuo has apparently taken the wrong portal and ended up in a senate chamber or something, what with all the voting and debate.

Onotole: (( Tell Lilith about the rod >:C ))

Heikon: (( We should just get together and award Lilith Knowledge: The Rod. ))

Heikon: (( She's an expert in her field ))

Onotole: (( Man, today's rolls have been great ))

Lilith: (( ... ))

Soban (Hybrid Form): « token.init = 1d20+2 = token.init = (1 + 2) = 3 »

Lilith: (( you be fucking quiet ))

LooneyDM: Heikon shakes the green eyed monster like a baby

Heikon: (( SIDS full attack! ))

Moastuo: "Wouldn't mind some more kobolds, myself."

Onotole: "There is no challenge to kobolds."

Moastuo: "Who said anything about challenge?"

Onotole: "If we're not challenged, then we can't know our limits. And if we don't know our limits, we can't improve upon them in a later iteration."

Moastuo: "Maybe I want to find some kobolds because they taste good, unlike everything else we've run into."

Onotole: "You're just like Heikon, always thinking of food."

Onotole: (( Lilith is having fun at the library? ))

Moastuo: (( what are you implying, good sir? ))

LooneyDM: Mallexantus, Onotole, and Heikon nail the last two as they try to feel

LooneyDM: (( flee ))

Onotole: (( Now they're trying to feel Lilith, who is having fun at the library ))

Lilith: (( « 1d20+23 = 20 + 23 = 43 » spot « 1d20+23 = 20 + 23 = 43 » listen ))

Lilith: (( ...what ))

Lilith: (( the fuck ))

Lilith: (( jesus fucking christ on a motherfucking stick ))

Onotole: (( Wait, why are Fisto and his friend, Fisto Jr, here? ))

Lilith: (( magic ))

Heikon: (( Oh shit, portal to 4e ))

*Moastuo having fun with tokens from his other game

LooneyDM: (( right then. xps ))

Onotole: (( Looney, if you say 679 XP, I will throttle you ))

Heikon: (( Of course not. ))

Heikon: (( 678. ))

Onotole: (( Don't make the throttle you too ))

Onotole: (( It doesn't really matter where they're going ))

Lilith: (( it doesn't? ))

Heikon: (( "we got our asses kicked" is all they're gonna get from him for Intel ))

Heikon: (( "THE UMBRELLA LOOKED AT ME AND THEN THE DEVIL WAS MY DEAD MINION ;_;" ))

Heikon: (( One save. On a 20. GOD, I love being scary. ))

Mallexantus: (( welcome to the dark side. ))

Moastuo: (( ceasing concentration on Ono's rage, duration is 5 rounds. Standard to throw a Rage at soban ))

Onotole: (( I'm imagining Moastuo as the medic Ubercharging ))

Moastuo: (( more of a kritz than an uber ))

Mallexantus: (( I am heavy weapons monstrosity. And this... is my axe. ))

Onotole: (( It costs two hundred thousand gp to swing this axe for twelve seconds ))

Onotole: (( One of you sneaks is Spy ))

Moastuo: (( I've been disguised for the entirety of the game, if it's anyone, it's me ))

Heikon: (( ...Heikon's the Pyro, isn't she. ))

Onotole: (( Heikon is very W+M1, yes ))

Mallexantus: (( I'm the embodiment of lawful evil. Be efficient, be polite, and always have a plan to kill everyone you meet. ))

Onotole: (( You must construct additional dakka ))

Art from Michael Dashow

LooneyDM out

Conventional Motivation (Downtime)

I had some downtime this weekend as I traveled to the far off land of Seattle to go to PAX. Much fun was had by all participants. Things of note. Saw Paul and Storm for the first time in concert. I may have a new favorite band. Played many board games and video games with all my friends. One very important item I learned this weekend. WotC's official Dungeon Delves are horrible ways to have people learn 4e. Hands down the worst teaching experience I've ever seen. To be fair I'm sure the DM was used to people trying to power through the delve and it appeared that his table was close to a booth where they were getting people to yell for swag. That said, our two rogues were killed before the hour was up (one of which's player had never played any RPG before), the cleric was dragged off by an at-will stun monster, one fighter was nearly dead, the other was hiding in the corner, and the wizard (myself) was pissed due to not finding out earlier that a bridge we were crossing was 30 feet over a ravine thus making my slide power incredibly useful. I did drop an enemy or two off, but it wasn't enough to save us.

So yeah. Delves are a crappy way to learn 4e. Also way to go WotC putting all the learning delves during the big panels and not running any in the middle of the day when we had some time. Doubly way to go because they then cancelled the learning delves on Sunday.

Art from Michael Dashow

LooneyDM out