Epic Pyromancer

You know there's heroes that just want to watch the world burn. In many cases this is a figurative burning. In others it is a literal burning. Of course if the player wants to take it this far you may have to retire the character to BBEG status.

Quotes from Greek Game:

Arlo: (( we are from Chicago, this is Cleveland, now we're going to Atlanta, and Andreas is from Boise, Idaho ))

Arlo: (( we are going from cleveland to atlanta through the candy mountains ))

Andreas: (( and yes I totally just invented the word "scruffians" ))

Mnemosyne: (( Mystery rock wall? Clearly it's naptime! ))

Lykaios : (( do they speak? ))

Mnemosyne: (( One just hit on Andreas ))

harpy 2: "It wouldn't make a difference if you spent the afternoon with us instead of chasing after him."

Andreas: (( ummm ))

Andreas: (( I am not sure what to say now ))

Andreas: (( I need an adult! ))

Mnemosyne: (( Is it... a Roc?! I dunno if we can beat one of those ))

Lykaios: (( more hippies ))

Lykaios: (( herpies ))

Lykaios: (( harpies ))

Andreas: (( I'm never going to get to kill anything ;_; ))

Mnemosyne: (( I didn't mean to explode the bird! It's not my fault I'm awesome ))

Andreas: "It's not that I don't appreciate the attention, but we just don't have time for all those harpies to fawn over me"

warrior: "I will lead on, but follow closely. I'd rather not get thrown off the mountain."

Lykaios: (( better him then us ))

Aeton: (( You're all heart, Lykaios. ))

* Telly rolls: d6 => 6

* Telly rolls: d6 => 5

Andreas: (( HA ))

Andreas: (( my notice roll goes to eleven. dohoho ))

* Lykaios takes out his short sword and cuts off Ormorg's tounge, Slips that bad boy in his pocket

* Aeton decides to ignore that slip of the tongue

Andreas: (( but this is a character quirk that I have so I get more edges or something ))

Andreas: (( also, ROLEPLAYING ))

Mnemosyne: (( Nice city you got here. Sure would be a shame if someone... SET IT ONE FIRE ))

Mnemosyne: (( ON fire. ))

Aeton: (( I see your two fire and raise you one. ))

Andreas: (( I think "amuses the DM" translates to "doom for the characters" ))

LooneyGM: (( doesn't it always, Telly? ))

Andreas: (( yes. ))

Mnemosyne: (( How about this: "Aphrodite, we require a Golden Apple in our quest, but have not your Heaveny Beauty by which to win one. Pls advise" ))

* Lykaios hugs Andreas

* Lykaios smiles as a string of snot goes from his waist from his nose

Andreas: "I realize I am totally amazing, but you are not allowed to hug me unless you are sterilized"

Andreas: "Preferably by lava."

Art from here

LooneyDM out

Imagined Worlds

The best part of DMing is sending your players places you or they might have imagined. Every world that could exist does exist for your entertainment purposes. And then you cross the worlds. Step through the mists, portal, or magic wardrobe and out into someone else's fantasy kingdom. Sounds like a campaign in the making. Visit new and exciting worlds, then kill the inhabitants and take their stuff. Now with ten times the geography and confusion!

Pictures from GIS for fantasy signpost

LooneyDM out

Chocolate D20s

I know I'd be motivated to roll with these dice. At least until the numbers melted off. "Is that a 1 or a 7?" "Can't tell. Eat it, grab a new one from the fridge, and reroll." "Absolutely." Now if there were only a mold for the entire dice set it would be truly epic.

Picture from here

LooneyDM out

Hydromancer

Incoming! There are people in fantasy worlds that you don't piss off. Mages tend to be among them but certain specialty mages are at the top of the list. If you don't feel like going through life looking like a drowned rat, sleeping in a eternally cold and damp bed, and having water shoot out your nose when you try to hit on someone you don't piss off the hydromancer.

Picture from WIN!

LooneyDM out

Unicorn Meat (Canned)

Business oriented characters can be both hilariously and painful at times. They're best when they are hilarious and not serious. They're most painful when they're coming up with such products as canned unicorn meat (suitable for the plebian masses to bring back the magic in their everyday meals) as a serious suggestion to turn the game into a unicorn herding simulation. Instead of the fantasy epic that everyone wanted.

Unicorn meat from here

LooneyDM out

Demanding Players

Some players can be so demanding. I don't know if it is in their nature or if it's a feeling of entitlement that they acquired overtime but they just don't want to play unless they get their way. Note: I don't have any players like this in the games I run. I do my best to drop those players from my games as they become too much of a headache to keep in the game while keeping the dramarific issues low.

Source is obviously Calvin

LooneyDM out

Reputation

You can warn your players all you want, they don't seem to listen when you tell them they're acquiring a bad reputation. Then they get banned from the potter-I mean magic shop for life and complain about it. "It was only a little fireball" *whine whine* "We didn't burn down the *entire* town" "We saved their town, why are they upset about the collateral damage?". Or they wonder why enemies don't surrender when their bloodthirsty tendencies become known across the land. So watch your reputation. It could come back as something completely different than you'd expect.

Found this art on cracked.com but I'm sure it's around elsewhere as well

LooneyDM out

Old School

My real life group has been playing AD&D lately. Thankfully it hasn't been like this. At least not with traps. There was a basilisk and our rogue got stoned. We missed a trap and the ranger go tossed into a fast moving sewer. There were levers that dropped open trap doors but we came at it the wrong way (story of our group) and got to the levers first. All in all not as bad as it could have been

LooneyDM out

Tears of Players

Any DM will know this is true. Your soul inspiration, your motivation, your reason for existence: The tears of your players. Happy tears, Sad tears, tears of utter frustration. Doesn't matter the source or emotion. Just that there are tears. TEARS for the DRAMA GOD! (drama god being the DM).

Art from Three Panel Soul

LooneyDM *sips*

Goals

It's always nice when your players have goals. Or at least motivations of some sort. It doesn't matter how simple they are, just that they exist. For one of my last games a player's character had a goal to find the special sheep liniment. To drink. An odd character but a fun one none the less. It gave the character depth that your cliche genre barbarian doesn't have.

LooneyDM out

Enemies

Recurring enemies are a staple of most rpgs. The players are so much more engaged when they get their asses kicked by a foe a few times before they get to do the ass kicking.

LooneyDM out.

Demon Parents

I know that this isn't what's going on in this picture, but darn if it doesn't look like the demon is chewing out the tiefling like the tiefling is his kid. "No more helping old ladies across the street or you're grounded from the torture chamber for a month!"

Quotes from saturday game:

Rundalmar: WHAT EVIL DEBAUCHERY IS THIS!

Boddywyn: It's me you brainless cow!

Boddywyn: (( toby is my mule now, hur hur ))

Pliny: (( I'm fully healed. Let's go kill stuff! ))

Iki: (( wait, I'm suppose to say let's go kill stuff XD ))

Haruhi: (( dammit iki stop being so bloodthirsty! ))

Haruhi: (( and I know that's like saying "dammit sun stop being so bright" ))

Toby: "I sure hope she enjoyed her finely shredded meat sandwich."

LooneyGM: (( ground dolgrim? ))

Rundalmar: (( its a delicacy in 3rd world countries ))

Crow of the Foothills: "It is the hunters. We must either flee now or prepare to fight."

Boddywyn: feeling sounds like a good idea

* Iki rolls: d20+12 mountain hammah on dolgaunt2 => 20 + 12 = 32

Toby: (( YES ))

LooneyGM: (( that's a crit, roll to confirm ))

* Iki rolls: d20+12 crit => 4 + 12 = 16

Toby: (( FUCK ))

Iki: (( screaming fuck around tentacle monsters seems... wrong. ))

* Rundalmar rolls: d20+1 clomp clomp clomp => 1 + 1 = 2 (move silently roll)

Toby: "Rundy, what the fuck are you doing?"

Iki: (( riverdancing! ))

Toby: "Are you fucking tap dancing back there?!"

Toby: "Dammit, he's doing the Charleston."

* Rundalmar is doing a bad immitation of michael jacksons "beat it"

Toby: "Rundy, give us your loincloth."

Rundalmar: ......

Toby: "It's for a surrender flag, dammit!"

Rundalmar: "NOT going to happen."

guard: "Who are you creatures? And what are you doing on the battlefield?"

Iki: (( would you like to support the girl scounts of D&D and buy some cookies? ))

Pliny: (( I have no idea. What's a diplomatic way to say I have no idea? ))

Toby: (( reproduction via mullet propagation ))

Rundalmar: (( beware the fertility mullet! ))

Iki: (( is that Mr T at the head of the table? ))

Meeting Dalin d'Vadalis

Pliny: (( And like all cats, Haru proceeds to sleep for the next 20 hours ))

Haruhi: "we should have come here first guys. we could have been eating the WHOLE TIME"

Iki: (( Toby wants to smell his best going into battle! ))

Pliny: (( Tell them I died bravely instead of just stupidly! ))

LooneyDM out

Hiding in Plain Sight

Your BBEG has failed at hiding in plain sight. I mean really. He couldn't have kept it under wraps for just a few more sessions while his plans matured? I guess evil just gets the better of you eventually and you have to let it all out.

Art from failblog

LooneyDM out