Drunk Wizard

Needless to say, this weekend's birthday party was a success.

Art from here
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Retired Adventurers

What it says on the tin.  There's a reason they survived long enough to retire.  You'd best not push their buttons trying to find it out.

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Betrayal

What is with the whole "rogue betrays the party" stereotype anyways?  It seems inevitable sometimes.  Or the evil guy working against the party from within.  I know there's a narrative behind it but you'd think that people would realize that it's not something that everyone enjoys by now.

Art from here
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Improvising

It's 10 minutes until game and the Dungeon Master isn't ready.  Or at least it doesn't look that way.  But he has a plan.  The plan of no plan at all.  He will come up with an amazing session using no more time than it takes you to read this sentence.  Or at least that's how he imagines it going.  In reality it isn't so clear cut.  The "brilliant" idea and "exciting" encounter look great from his side of the screen.  Maybe not so much from the other side.  Unless you've honed those skills.

Art from GIS for "indiana jones rocket launcher"
LooneyDM out

More Fire!

This is one of life's early lessons that roleplayers need to learn.  Other wise there is burning and chaos and dead PCs every where.  Of course some make it to a ripe level of experience without learning this, or by hiding their tendencies well.  On a completely unrelated note I have a list for you of things my psion is no longer allowed to do in game.

Things my psion is no longer allowed to do:

1) I may not set the druid on fire to prevent ninja attacks.

2) I may not set myself on fire, even if I have the fire resist to take it.

3) Ditto for the swordsage.

4) The elf's woodsy nature does not make her extra flammable.

5) Pointing out that forest fires occur naturally will not make the druid less upset 

6) Even if it makes him do more damage, I may not set the grappling barbarian on fire.

7) I may not set the bard on fire for the sole purpose of making "flaming" jokes at his expense.

8) I will stop referring to the halfling as kindling. 

9) While fire is a versatile problem solving tool, setting the rogue on fire does not improve his sneaking ability.

10) I may not set enemies on fire as an intimidation technique.

11) Especially if I have no way to extinguish the fire.

12) I may not try to set records in the "Most enemies set on fire in an encounter" category

13) This goes double if it is a social encounter

14) [redacted]

15) If the DM includes monsters with fire resist in the encounter, I will not complain about having to use one of the "boring" elements (aka cold, lightning, or sonic).

16) I am not allowed to make a knowledge (flammability) check upon entering a building.

17) I do not receive xp for anything killed in any tavern, brothel, stable, castle, or forest fires I start.

18) I may not refluff my energy ray power as coming from my eyes, mouth, or any other orifice on my body.

There may be more on this later.

Art from GIS for "Pyro"
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Never Split the Party

Sound advice that bears repeating.  But players will never learn.  I speak from experience as a player on this one.  Off goes the rogue and swordsage scouting ahead on their own.  Next thing you know they're running back to camp with an entire orc warband in tow and the spell casters haven't gotten their daily spells back yet.  That's how you get a party started!

Art from GIS for "monster ambush D&D"
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Oh yeah, and quotes:

Orc: (( I have a kitty... itty bitty kitty! mew! ))

Makani: ((Congratulations you just did as much damage as a caltrop))

Makani: ((My name is not Mankini!))

Derfoom: ((Elan is not a good role model for a bard))

DM: (( rear guard... mankini... it's made to be! ))

The tendriculous shrivles up in a pile of burning leaf and ash
Derfoom: "It's true! It's true! More fire is the answer!"

Kibitzer

Kibitzing is something that has come up in our group occasionally.  Okay that's a lie.  It comes up about once a session at my real life game.  It seems to be associated to 4e.  Or to real life.  I haven't seen it show up in 3.5 or in online games.  There is "I'm going to be gone, play my character for me" but none of the kibitzing.  

Art from GIS for  "chess moving pieces"
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Endure Elements

Utility spells have their uses.  Many of them are the sort that you think you'll never need, but you kick yourself for not preparing them when it turns out you do need them.  Spells like Endure Elements fall into this category.  I don't have any stories about endure elements as most of my pre 4e experience has been on the DM side of the screen.  I admit it doesn't see much use in my games along with rules like encumbrance and favored class mechanics.  Have you ever run into a situation where you were kicking yourself over not preparing a utility spells?

Art from Magicka
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I just don't care (NSFW)

Ever have those days when you just don't care?

Art from Magicka
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Charm

Continuing the trend of "wizard has a spell for that".  Today's is charm.  Which fixes the problem of the wizard lacking diplomacy.  Or any other social skills to speak of.

Art from Magicka
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Tavern Fire

What more is there to say?  Pyromania is strong in this one.  Along with all the others in the same party.  This one is a big rite of passage for murderhobos everywhere.  Like the roleplaying requirements for the Drunken Master prestige class.  But you too should strive to burn down a tavern.  Accidentally of course.  No one likes intentional destruction of property when the inhabitants might be people you like.  Burning down the ancient ruins filled with undead is fine, provided there's been a chance to loot them properly first.

Art from here
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