Flesh to Sand

I really don't have anything to say about this other than good luck trying to move a guy made out of sand without loosing any parts. A true resurrection spell is in his future. That or a character reroll if the party can't (or won't) scrape together the funds for it.

Art from GIS for sandscupltures and really there's a crapton of them

LooneyDM out.

Final Boss Battle

Not every boss battle has to be about combat. Some of them can be about other things. And it can really throw you players for a loop if they're expecting combat. "We buff up and charge in!" "The final battle begins! Dance off for the fate of the universe!" "Wtf?!"

Art from here

LooneyDM out

Gnomes

Gnomes. Loved. Hated. Nothing in between. Such is life for our tiny big-nosed prankster friends. They only prank you because they care. About your unending suffering at the hands of a thousand tiny practical jokes. Mwa ha ha ha.

Art by one of my players

LooneyDM out

Thrones

Players tend to expect things. When they start expecting thrones, especially ones belonging to npcs, you need to have a sit down dragged out talk with them. If that doesn't work, convert to brawling forthwith.

Art from here

LooneyDM out

Zombies!

Zombies! They have gotten to my brains. My last stand was more of the silly type. Here's some quotes

Art from jollyjack and GIS for zombies

Gareth: I'm a sesquipedilarian

DM: The room is trashed.

Akuma: I search the room for loots.

DM: You find trash.

Tsoria: Why do I talk to him? You'd think being married to him I'd know better.

Tsoria: It's my long lost brother. Teh Jeff!

Looney: Of course when I roll twice they're both awesome.

Gareth: I'm going to throw off a twinning stance on me, myself, and...

Akume: ...Irene

DM: This is a shadow demon. It's held together by malice and hate.

Looney: It's weak against hugs and kisses.

Tsoria: I'm going to use holy smite batman.

DM: You have frosting on your lip, is that what you tell Strahd.

Tsoria: Come over here and taste my frosting big boy.

DM: The large figure shuffles towards you.

Looney: Is he doing the truffle shuffle?

Akuma: It would be better if he was doing Thriller

DM: What's your initiative?

Looney: Last.

Akuma: I'm crystal fresh (shardmind)

Teh Jeff: I'm using appalling crunch.

Gareth: That sounds like a breakfast cereal.

Gareth: That's Mr. Warlord to you. Maybe even captain.

fighting a big glass heart

Akuma: This is only the second time in his life Akuma has had to break a heart

And we switched DMs again. This time Vimac's player is DMing

Akuma became Curd, Minotaur Seeker

Tsoria and Gareth stayed the same

I became a halfling sorcerer

Attapacca became Barden "Bones" dwarven cleric

Thalia joined us. Goliath Warden

Tor joined us. Razorclaw shifter Monk

DM: He draws out Gareth.

Gareth: Pick my wife next.

Thalia: 3, 3 fatalities ah ha ha ha

Gareth: You need to mooove.

Looney: He likes to moove it, moove it

(Minotaur characters are so much fun to tease)

Curd: I'm in the mood for halfling stew.

Looney: I'd like to see you try. I'll make your hair stand on end for a week.

Tsoria: I used one healing surge.

Thalia: I used febreeze

Curd: Moo money, moo problems

Curd: Frosty the snowwoman with some very scary snow

Gareth: Lay hands on me when you get a chance.

Thalia: Kinky

Tsoria: Is that you? (Gareth)

Curd: She doesn't remember what her husband looks like.

Tsoria (after lay on hands): Was it good for you?

Looney: We're getting knocked up. (Pause) Knocked around, around!

DM: He can't see the halfing.

Looney: My lightning appears to be coming out of the lower half of the minotaur.

Tsoria: The minotaur is shooting lightning out his ass.

Curd: I had some bad taquitos last night.

DM: You take 24 damage

Thalia: I'm down

Tsoria: Does that mean I don't get flanking any more?

DM: On the goblin you find a chain shirt, a battleaxe, and a pouch.

Curd: A couch?

Gareth: Medic! Oh wait that's me.

DM: If you don't like my English...

Gareth: Don't you mean common?

DM: Agrid, the gnome. Brother to Hagrid. Agrid is a miniature half-giant.

Gareth: I distract the drakes "I have beef jerky"

DM: It's right there in front of them (referring to the minotaur)

Curd: Well I am delicious

DM: He's almost dead

Curd: I know how that feels.

(Curd has been bloodied or dying nearly every fight)

Curd: He bravely shifts away.

Looney: The defenders and leaders are forming a defensive line.

Barden "Bones" : At least it's not a chorus line.

DM: The trees are cover, the rocks are difficult terrain.

Gareth: What are the monkeys?

Curd: The monkeys are fun terrain.

Gareth: Well crud.

Curd: Yes?

LooneyDM out.

Kobolds

Commoners beware! The kobolds are infesting the janitorial staff. I've always wondered about kobolds. They're like the picked on kid of the D&D universe. Them and goblins. Of course having them in a more modern setting would lead to all sorts of interesting conundrums. Likely they'd be subjugated like they always are but instead of cannon fodder they'd be janitors and garbagemen and all the other lowly jobs no one else wants to do. Hooray for inherent systematic racism!

Picture from Epic Win

LooneyDM out

Template Monsters

In 3.5 D&D there are these wonderful things called templates. They allow for such craziness as flying pigs, ghostly gelatinous cubes, and all other manner of bizarre monstrosities. Before I found out about templates I would just do silly things like fire pigs out of catapults or ballistas. There was also the time they were on strings.

Art from here

LooneyDM out

Epic

Epic is in the eye of the beholder. Sometimes literally. Not so much when you're facing down an entire undead army. A great way to let your players know that they have arrived is the quality of the enemies they face. Fighting bandits and rats puts them near the bottom of the food chain, even if they never see much else. It's when they move on up to monsters and opponents that are threats to entire nations that they can say they've become big heroes. Now this isn't the be and end all of epic, but it's certainly one of its parts. Until next time.

Art from here

LooneyDM out.

Imagination

I entirely like this picture. It's like a visual aid that you could whip out for an amazing RPG session. But it would take way too much work to do something like this all the time, which runs right into the point. You have to leave room for the player's imagination in your descriptions. Leave no doubt about the major points but give hints as to what else may be in the area. This is the essence of efficient descripting.

LooneyDM out

Distractions

Look! A distraction! That should keep you from realizing I haven't updated in nearly a week. Sadly I don't have a sexy lady to distract you from my dragon of lack of updates but it will have to suffice. So here's a poster and some quotes.

And now for something very much the same.

* Dahmpir rolls: d20+21 => 20 + 21 = 41

Clementine: (( nice ))

Steely Dan: (( you are totally invisible ))

Clementine: (( Myko loses sight of himself. ))

LooneyDM: (( my poor bugbear helpers ))

Helena: (( delicious HAMBURGER HELPER ))

Nelven: (( hel is really attached to her bitches ))

Helena: (( MY BABIES ))

Nelven: (( XD ))

Atargatis: (( My giant hulking animated chunks of armor! ))

Helena: (( I should rename them SexyBaby and CrazyBaby ))

Dahmpir: (( imma bite him ))

* Dahmpir rolls: d20+12 => 1 + 12 = 13

Helena: (( good god ))

Dahmpir: (( good god leoTard!! ))

Helena: (( I am sorry Dahmpir, but this bot, she don't like you ))

Atargatis: (( This bot is a cruel mistress ))

Dahmpir: (( soooo i bite....myself... ))

Atargatis: (( I see what you're going for with leotard, but you know that's an article of clothing, right? ))

* Steely Dan chops off the dead bugbear leader's head

Steely Dan: "Righ' so... this isna gonna fit in mah kilt"

Atargatis: (( You really made it far while we weren't paying attention ))

* Steely Dan sits down and plays cards with acorn while waiting

Steely Dan: (( you guys are slooooooow ))

LooneyDM: The benches and planks lift steely off the ground in a bizarre clavacade of interlocking wood. It smushes down to smaller than feegle size.

* LooneyDM rolls: 2d8+10 constrict damages => 7 + 10 = 17

Steely Dan: AUGH! AH'M BEIN' SQUISHED! AH'LL BE FEEGLE JAM!

Steely Dan: Ah think whute'er, or whoe'er it is, must wanta eat me

Steely Dan: 'cos it KEEPS HAPPENIN

Clementine: Maybe you look like a tastey morsel to the monsters?

* Steely Dan looks flatly at Clementine

Steely Dan: Do Ah look tasty t'ye?

Steely Dan: Ah mean, really.

* Steely Dan shakes his head

Clementine: I don't think you look tastey, myself.

Clementine: Maybe if we wrapped you up in bacon...

Steely Dan: :|

Atargatis: "If we find bacon we are not using it as wrapping."

Atargatis: "I am saying that right now,"

Atargatis: (( Dammit if I get bitten again because of this I blame YOU, Helena ))

Helena: (( « 1d20+19 = 1 + 19 = 20 » nature check on wuffs? ))

Helena: (( wtf ))

LooneyDM: (( brain fart ))

Helena: (( OH, they're wielding polearms, eh? ))

Helena: (( not for long >:3 ))

LooneyDM: (( you realize them loosing their polearms is what provokes them biting and infecting ))

Helena: (( :D ))

Helena: (( we should all become wuffs ))

LooneyDM: (( are you trying to turn the entire team chaotic evil? ))

Helena: (( MEBBE >_> ))

* Atargatis rolls: 1d20+17 kaboom! => 1 + 17 = 18

Steely Dan: (( hooray! ))

Steely Dan: (( I just want to be clear, my hooray was for bonecrusher, not the 1 ))

Atargatis: "Did they? I thought they were working with the Barquest before. Or whatever that guy was called."

Clementine: "Barquest? That sounds like something that would interest Steely"

Helena: (( maybe it's a dildo ))

Dahmpir: (( k thats what i was checking for ))

Steely Dan: (( what kind of thing would have a cube-shaped dildo!? ))

Helena: (( I WONDER ))

Steely Dan: (( oh ))

Steely Dan: (( gelatinous cube right ))

Nelven: (( you guys... ))

Helena: (( ;o ))

Atargatis: (( Gelatinous cube? Please tell me those things reproduce by splitting ))

Atargatis: (( I am having a difficult time typing for some reason. I predict hilarious results. ))

* Clementine gives them a rude gesture and is done.

* Steely Dan is a bad influence apparently

LooneyDM: The front two skeletons attempt to jump over Steely and Atargatis

Atargatis: (( Jumping Skeletons! ))

Atargatis: (( I equip my +2 tennis racket! ))

Atargatis: (( ALSO! ))

LooneyDM: (( also? ))

Steely Dan: (( also!? ))

Dahmpir: (( also also wik? ))

Steely Dan: (( let's see if it works this time!! ))

Clementine: (( deliciously evil! ))

Dahmpir: (( please dont miss ))

Dahmpir: (( for raests sake ))

* Steely Dan rolls: 1d20+17 => 1 + 17 = 18

Steely Dan: (( oops ))

Dahmpir: (( ....... ))

Atargatis: (( Uh oh ))

Steely Dan: (( you shouldn't talk while I'm rolling! ))

LooneyDM: (( give me a d100 roll, call high or low for hitting the leopard ))

Dahmpir: (( you shouldnt roll when im talking ))

Dahmpir: (( gutsy, since dicekhan has been in love with you all night ))

Clementine: (( I think she's been paying dice kahn with beer. ))

Steely Dan: (( I'm not giving any beer to dicekhan ))

Steely Dan: (( waste of good beer, that ))

Steely Dan: (( also look I remember those trees ))

Steely Dan: (( FUCKIN' TREEEEEEEEEES ))

* Steely Dan rolls: 1d20+15 listen => 20 + 15 = 35

Steely Dan: (( HE HEARS ALL YOUR HEARTS BEATING ))

Steely Dan: (( and also that fart you tried to do really quietly ))

Steely Dan: this movie doesn't really make sense

Clementine: ...What's a ... movie?

Steely Dan: (( THAT WAS OOC ))

Steely Dan: (( CRAP ))

Atargatis: (( What do you guys think - Pies? We can roast the seeds... we could also probably make some great pumpkin soup ))

Steely Dan: (( sure but "Oh no. He has been captured." does not sound like the little dragon cares ))

Steely Dan: (( I AM SUSPICIOUS ))

LooneyDM: (( should I have had him go OH NOES! TEH HORRORS! OUR LEADERS HAS BEEN CAPENTURED! ))

Steely Dan: (( YES YOU SHOULD HAVE ))

Steely Dan: (( little dragons should absolutely use lolspeak ))

Atargatis: Wooo!

Atargatis: (( Uh, that was OOC ))

Atargatis: (( Atargatis is not happy about kidnappings ))

Atargatis: (( Dragonnappings ))

Clementine: (( the dragons are sleeping? ))

Atargatis: (( We're totally getting manipulated by somebody. ))

Steely Dan: (( yes and he's sitting RIGHT OVER THERE *points at looney* ))

LooneyDM: (( well that's a given ))

LooneyGM: Last time our heroes fought a massive pumpkin. What it was doing underground nobody knows

Atargatis: (( ...Finding its roots? ))

Atargatis: "So why don't we go find out? We take the bugbear head and try to get passage to the queen. If this doesn't work, we just kill them all. If we an't get the queen to release the fairy dragon, we kill them all. If we find out they're working with the undead, we kill them all."

Atargatis: "I think this plan suits everyone's needs."

Helena: "Disturbingly high probability of genocide. Sounds like a party."

Atargatis: (( Please stop talking about whatever weird rape porn game you are talking about. I am trying to be heroic and dramatic here! ))

No more talking about F.A.T.A.L. around Atargatis.

LooneyDM out

Videogames

I have at times succumbed to the lure of videogames when I should be prepping for games. Rarely, but more frequently of late. I blame this particular game. It's called Torchlight. I really should not get so into this game, but it's so fun. Thankfully I've got everything planned out for one of my games until the end of the campaign.

Screenshot from here

LooneyDM out