The Mythical female gamer

I am aware that there are female gamers out there would would absolutely love to roleplay a batman/robin love story in a supers game to the detriment of the other players(see poster above). My group which is comprised of several female gamers is definitely an exception to several rules out there, including the one that insists that female gamers don't like killing things and taking their stuff. I even managed to get ones that don't insist on having their characters engage in romance at every turn. Most of them prefer the hack and slash style of play that I run. At least they haven't expressed any interest in romantic encounters with the exception of the time that two of them attempted to tie each other up with several lengths of rope. That session was most interesting.
Let's hear your romantical anecdotes.

Image from GIS

LooneyDM flees the scene

Regular Wednesday update with quotable quotes

Today I bring you a medley of hilarious quotes from my ever present saturday game. I won't bother you with the details of classes and races again, you can damn well go back and look for them yourself at this point. The only difference you need to be aware of is that Corbinus has passed from his mortal coil and been replaced by his familiar, Blacky. Thus we have a Catfolk Ranger/Fighter instead of a Kenku Rogue/Wizard.

Corbinus: (( There's a dead Zombielord ))

Clementine: (( we can has skull plz? ))

* Atargatis does not join in in the searchery

Atargatis: "Alright, put that boat in the water, uncharacteristically quiet Dan! Thanks, that's great!"

* Corbinus pushes the quiet Dan into the water for a bath.

* Clementine yells the magic woird at the boat.

Clementine: HOKEY POKEY!

Helena: Oh, EW, they're gonna crawl all over us! I'm going to puke!

Atargatis: "For Kord's sake, they're just rats, Helena! Cold, angry rats..."

LooneyDM: (( give me a fort save Atargatis ))

* Atargatis rolls: 1d20+5 => 6 + 5 = 11

LooneyDM: (( you failed. you're now nauseated, Atargatis ))

Atargatis: (( My character's such a hypocrite! ))

* Atargatis rolls: 1d8+7 => 1 + 7 = 8

* Atargatis rolls: 1d20+7 => 1 + 7 = 8

Atargatis: (( Uh... I mistyped that last one, can I try again? ))

LooneyDM: (( yes Atargatis ))

* Atargatis rolls: 1d8+7 => 1 + 7 = 8

Atargatis: (( Seriously? Seriously. ))

Atargatis: (( How lucky am I again? ))

Steely Dan: (( he died and Steely wasn't there to laugh at him? ))

Klo: (( i bet you wanted to loot his body eh? ))

Clementine: (( I wanted to loot his body ))

Steely Dan: (( I would loot EVERY ORIFICE ))

Steely Dan: (( feegles are a "if it has alcohol in it I am going to drink it, even if it's turpentine" race ))

Atargatis: (( Feegles are a permenantly drunk race ))

Steely Dan: (( are they grrrrrrrreat? ))

Blacky: (( They're axes, not corn flakes. ))

* Atargatis rolls: 1d20+10 Klo's => 20 + 10 = 30

LooneyDM: (( crit ))

* Atargatis rolls: 1d20+10 Mine => 1 + 10 = 11

LooneyDM: (( miss ))

Atargatis: (( ... Ha ha haaaa! ))

LooneyDM: (( dicechan is being bipolar tonight ))

Steely Dan: (( anyway, until next week, keep yer weapons sharp and remember, they can take our lives but they canna take our trousers ))

Clementine: (( I'm not wearing trousers.... ))

Helena: (( I'm wearing sweatpants XD ))

Steely Dan: (( who wouldn't want a flaming horse? I mean come on. it's every little girl's dream. ))

* Clementine rolls: 1d20+7 spot => 17 + 7 = 24

Helena: (( MUST BE NICE HAVING WISDOM AS A CASTING STAT ))

* Steely Dan rolls: 1d20+5 => 20 + 5 = 25

Steely Dan: (( well I am just full of initiative today AREN'T I ))

Clementine: (( I retract my shriek until next turn. ))

Helena: (( want to knock out the last one for questioning? ))

Steely Dan has received initiative.

LooneyDM: (( if you can hold steely back ))

Atargatis: (( Let's rest. For real. I'm drenched in acid here! ))

Blacky: (( Fine...we'll rest for all the fighters with acid reflux. ;D ))

* Steely Dan builds a barracade of bugbear bodies

LooneyDM moves tokens off the map

Steely Dan: (( hey where is my barricade going ))

Clementine: (( your barricade got up and walked away. ))

Clementine: (( they're on strike. ))

Steely Dan: (( since this game has a necromancer that would be not only possible but really bad ))

LooneyDM out

On recurring villains and escape routes

At some point in your career as a DM you'll want to have a villain escape. Don't make his escape route shaped the way Skeletor's portal is shaped in this poster. You will regret it. Your players will remember forever and recount it at any opportunity. They will be scared by the purple and the innuendo inducing shape. I haven't had any horrid escape routes like this particular one. Early in my DMing career so long ago in the sundry past, I did have an enemy who had a minor teleport power that let him escape several dire situations. By the time the players finally cornered him they were incredibly ready to have his head. That wasn't the worst escape I had that campaign. The other big bad (the big bads were a trio of goblin brothers leading an army of goblins) was dragged to safety by his pet worg. The only consolation for the players was their preeminent execution of the one with teleport powers. All in all a bittersweet ending.

Let's hear about the ways, sanitary or otherwise, you've had your BBEGs escape.

Art is GIS for Skeletor

LooneyDM *escapes through a non-innuendo inducing portal*

Fantasy Clothing

Today's poster brought to you by the letter 'H' as in half-naked. Which adequately describes the lady in the poster today. It's traditional that any female character appearing in fantasy art be at least half naked, if not more. The favored attire for these sorts of pictures is the chainmail bikini which is not pictured here. That will be a topic for a later poster. At this moment I'm here to contemplate the fact that this magical lady is almost naked from the knees up. Mmmm...okay enough of that. I wonder if she gets a distraction bonus to ac. Much more than food for thought there.

Art by redpeggy on deviantart

LooneyDM contemplates some more

Keeping the game in the family

I may not have mentioned it but my wife runs a game for myself, my siblings, and all their significant others. I've quoted this game before but not mentioned this detail of keeping it in the family. Therefore I give you the amazingness that is my family. We have such a grand old time.

Druten Tortle Swordsage (My character)

Loperdos Halfling Rogue (played by my brother)

Kanoa Gnome Wizard (played by brother #2)

Thistle Halfling Warlock (played by brother #1's wife)

Rasia Human Druid (played by brother #2's SO)

Rasia: "You are on heal probation!"

Kanoa: "Since when do halflings eat fairy?"
Druten: "Since they can't catch anything else."
Druten: "Except rocks."

Druten: "You're not allowed to stab her. Even with the spork."

DM: The stairs loom below you...
Loperdos: ((Oooo loomage))
Druten: (( not to be mistake for the loo mage who has an entirely different function ))

* Abyssal Maw spittles and hisses at you
Loperdos: Hey Druid, you wanna try talking to them?
Loperdos: Or do you only talk to cute animals?

Thistle: I have low wisdom? Does that mean I'm stupid.
Druten: It means you lack common sense
Loperdos: But your charisma is high so you can seduce anyone
Thistle: So I'm a slut?

Druten: (( if you want things to attack me you should hit me with the enlarge wand I gave you ))
Loperdos: ((Loperdos has an enlarge wand...in his PANTS!!!))
DM: (( TMI TMI...tripod ))

Looney

Of Thoqqua's and other monsters

Thoqqua's are extremely silly monsters. They deserve all the ridicule and scorn you would expect for having the shape they have. I will not describe their shape here beyond the poster for I feel that would violate decency laws. They are not the most insane monster in the Monster Manuals, nor the most insane monster to ever be created. That is a poster for another time. Early in my current dungeon crawl I threw several thoqquas at my players. The innuendo flew fast and furious. The players were not amused. They didn't like the flaming part either. In any event I found it an enlightening experience in using crazy monsters against my players.

Let's hear about the memorable fights that you've had that were memorable simply because the monster was that messed up.

Source is d20 srd

LooneyDM out

Your Dice Personality

I give you the crazy dice. Blue with white markings is the best for bringing out the tribal and demonic shapes displayed in the artistically presented poster today. Your dice say a lot about you. These ones say the owner is both awesome and off the deep end. My kind of gamer! I barely hesitate to admit that I don't have any dice like this. We can all own every shade fantastic dice or our dice bags would double as makeshift bolas. Not that mine doesn't already.

Personally I enjoy dice of the color red. Goes well with my hot-blooded, arrogant personality. *snerk* My wife prefers more muted tones in the grays and purples. Not suprisingly our resident goth gamer has black and white dice, but also pink and purple ones. I'm no dice reader so I'll let you draw your own conclusions about her dice choices. Much like I'll let you determine what you think about my DM's Cthulhu dice or the bard player's pumpkin sized bag of dice.

What about you and your group? What sort of entertaining dice do you use?

Image is GIS for dice

LooneyDM *rolls the dice*

Campaign journals of Monstrous Mayhem.

I run a very odd game on wednesday nights. Most anyone who hears these next words and knows what they mean will think I am entirely insane to try something like this (bwa ha ha ha): 3.5 D&D gestalt with savage species progression required for one side. For those of you who didn't catch that, it means that I have characters who are of the entirely monstrous variety and they have class levels as well. It's freaking awesome. I call it my monster game. So here comes the most bizarre race/class list you've ever seen.

Heikon: Karakasa Ghost Battledancer (Karakasa is a homebrew undead race)

Mallexantus: Kyton Swordsage

Moastuo: Barghest Psionic Warrior

Onotole: Tauric Thri-Keen Scorpion Folk Totemist

Soban: Were-Wolverine Champion

Soveliss: Pixie Warlock

Xochitl: Lillend Duskblade

(While fighting some bats)

Heikon: (( Let's spook up the next bet ))

Moastuo: (( we've got a betting pool going? ))

Heikon: (( 1d20+10 Pin! ))

* Heikon rolls: 1d20+10 => 6 + 10 = 16

Moastuo: (( why are you pinning a corpse? ))

LooneyDM: The bat magnetizes to the end of the chain as its last sparks fizzled out.

Onotole: "Hey, check it out. It's a bat-flail."

* Mallexantus almost doesn't sneer, but manages it.

Heikon: "Your face is gonna get stuck like that."

Xochitl: "...It's a bit small"

* Mallexantus lengthens it to 35 feet for a few moments.

Mallexantus: (( Mommy was a thri-kreen, daddy was a scorpionman? ))

Onotole: (( Mommy was a wizard, daddy was too much free time. ))

LooneyDM out

Apocalypse Gaming

If the world ended tomorrow, could you still game? This is a silly meta question that has little to do with the poster today. Specifically this poster is a picture of an abandoned building in Detroit. It's amazing what time can do to a manufactured structure. If you're going to run an apocalypse game I entirely suggest the Abandoned Places blog for imagery that will rock your socks all the way to the lox. It will also give you great insight into what happens to buildings after people stop maintaining them and how to describe the decay to your players.

I've only once played an apocalypse game and it only lasted a few sessions before real life forced the GM to exit. I played a librarian. A rather stealthy, sneaky librarian, but a librarian none the less. Let's hear your awesome descriptions from you apocalypse games.

Picture from the Abandoned places blog linked above.

LooneyDM *Sifts through the remains of civilization*

Fire and Pyromaniacs (A motivational poster of course)

When people think of the classic D&D mage, wizard, or sorcerer, they think fireball (Sadly the poster'd mage looks more like he's about to cast burning hands. I am digging his snazzy goatee and red robes though). It's the iconic wizard spell for blaster mages followed closely by magic missile. Fire speaks to the soul, that deep down yearning and passion to destroy shit. It doesn't get more visceral than fire. Which is why you see so many fire themed prestige classes and people playing fire mages. It's pretty much its own cliche at this point.

This reminds me of a game I played in. I regret to inform all of you that I wasn't the one playing the fire mage. That game I played a rogue. A dashingly handsome halfling. That all aside our sorcerer/cleric of Kossuth( This just shows how iconic this really is. There's a god who's entire portfolio is devoted to burning shit to the ground) had a tendency to wax and wane if you will. My rogue dealt with the fire mages' moodiness by juggling flaming torches for him.

Let's hear about the pyromaniacs in your life, er game.

Art from GIS

LooneyDM bursts into flames.

More Campaign Journals I said I wouldn't write

Another week. Another set of quotes that won't give you any idea what the campaign is about but will let you know exactly how much fun I have gaming. This week you get quotes from one of the games I don't DM. This game occurs on my lovely saturday mornings bimonthly and uses the 4th edition of D&D as a system.

Race and Class loadout by player

Attapacca: Female Dragonborn Bard

Cecilia: Female Tiefling Avenger

Quinn: Male Deva Cleric (my character)

Tellyatha'a: Male Aquatic Elf Rogue (Goldielocks, the mini he chose has long bright yellow hair)

Tirah: Female Deva Invoker

Vimac: Male Goliath Fighter

Attapacca: What about a half-orc, half-dwarf

DM: A dworc!

Attapacca: You've got Int (amusing referring to my character), I've got Cha, Vimac has Str, and Telleathay has flowing golden locks

Goldielocks: Can there be a biscuit?

DM: Roll for the biscuit.

Cecilia: You go to the Raven Queen when you die.

DM: The Raisin Queen?

Vimac: Who's a dumb demon? Who's a dumb demon?

Cecilia (to Goldielocks): I will slap you right across your stupid grin. I'll swear an oath of emnity.

Goldielocks: And you'll have to put a quarter in the jar.

Attapacca: That was drama with a 'z'. You know 'teh dramaz'.

Vimac (while fighting Sahuagin): They're cooking the sushi dammit!

Vimac: I'll splash gore all over Goldielocks.

Goldielocks: Noooo, It'll take me 3 hours to condition my locks!

DM: The sahuagin are like "boogie boogie boogie"

Tirah: He's real hurt, so if I do something wimpy like a daily...

DM: Then he...

Goldielocks: Poops!

Looney: He can't, that's a move action and he only has a minor left.

Tirah: Even if it's your bowels, it's still a movement.

Goldielocks: I use elven accuracy.

Vimac (goliath fighter): I should take that feat.

Goldielocks: I'm a MILF.

DM: Melf, not MILF.

Cecilia: I know you wanted to enchant Vimac's helmet to moo, can we enchant the coffers to cough?

Goldielocks: Vimac is carrying me in his harness like a little baby.

LooneyDM out

On the topic of betting and plot armor.

If you are ever in any doubt, which you shouldn't be, you should bet on the Player Characters. There will be some wacky plan, some last minute heroic success, an asspull Deus Ex Machina. You name it, it will happen to pull the players out of even crazy odds like taking on a giant who towers over the forest they're travelling through (see photo for clearer picture). Artistically, I enjoy this picture from with the hero in the silhouette view in the foreground of the massive loin cloth clad giant. It entirely sums up the heroic epic for me. That said, giants need better clothes. Imagine the killing a giant tailor would make clothing all those half naked or piecemeal clothed giants.

Let's hear those stories of surviving against impossible odds, or giant tailors.

Art from deviantart

LooneyDM *strikes a silhouette pose*