The Joys of Gaming

The joys of gaming. This is why I DM/GM/Storyteller whichever title sounds the most grandiose at the time. The crazy stories and quotes that result. These quotes come to us from my monster gestalt game. For those of you joining us now, the monster gestalt is a 3.5 gestalt game with a monster progression from savage species up one side and class levels up the other. The number of melee brutes is staggering.

Heikon: "12,476."

Heikon: "That's how many books are in here."

* Soban (Hybrid Form) looks at Heikon, "What? Why did you bother?"

Heikon: "I was bored.

Mallexantus: "Still used to mortality. Give it a few centuries."

Onotole: (( Anyone try to milk me though, loses limbs. ))

Onotole: "Maybe we should trap the stairs? Don't want to have people sneaking up behind us. That would be bad."

Mallexantus: "Hah. I have our rear covered."

Mallexantus: "They're too neutral. i'd prefer axes of evil."

Heikon: "... How can an axe be evil?"

Onotole: "If it has a frowny face drawn on it. Everybody knows that."

Onotole: "I suppose if we were desperate we could hitch a ride through the Air Elementals' portal."

Moastuo: "Couldn't you tweak it to send us somewhere more substantial?"

Onotole: "I can't tweak anything except the necks of people that I'm told need killing."

Mallexantus: "Before I was called here, I was from another plane of existence. if you make me explain the great wheel I will have to hurt you."

* Heikon stares at it with an empty, black space where there is not even an eye socket, filthy matted hair hanging down and rivulets of blood trickling down her ghostly face.]

Heikon: "Hello." « 1d20+17 = 15 + 17 = 32 » Intimidate.

* VortDM rolls: 1d20+4 => 5 + 4 = 9

* gazbeuro screams

Onotole: (( Putting the hell in hello. ))

Moastuo: "Shrill little bastard."

LooneyDM: (( let's roll ))

* Moastuo rolls: 1d2- => 1 = -1

* Mallexantus retracts his calligraphy chain.

Heikon: (( I'm going to bed now ))

Heikon: (( You guys have a link to my character sheet handy? ))

Moastuo: (( I think we just ignore absent players rather than ghost (hee) them ))

* LooneyDM rolls: 1d6 acid damage => 3

Moastuo: "Ho ho, good thing that didn't go off when you stuck yourself."

Mallexantus: "It seems useful. Extra agony!"

Onotole: "Taste metal!" « 1d20+9 = 3 + 9 = 12 » on #4

VortDM: The bat doesn't taste much of anything

Onotole: (( I still have bite left! ))

LooneyDM: (( bite away ))

* Flickerdart rolls: 1d20+9 => 3 + 9 = 12

LooneyDM: (( if you like ))

Soban (Hybrid Form): (( You have to soothe the dieroller. ))

* Onotole flails uselessly.

LooneyDM: (( my other group plies it with sweets usually ))

Soban (Hybrid Form): (( Full attacking, if I kill 4 at any point, 5 footstepping and continuing on with 3. PA 1 « 1d20+7 = 1 + 7 = 8 » Claw 1 (« 1d4+6 = 4 + 6 = 10 » damage)

« 1d20+7 = 1 + 7 = 8 » Claw 2 (« 1d4+6 = 4 + 6 = 10 » damage)

« 1d20+5 = 1 + 5 = 6 » Bite (« 1d6+6 = 5 + 6 = 11 » damage) ))

Soban (Hybrid Form): (( HAHAHAHA ))

Soban (Hybrid Form): (( Yeah I'm done ))

LooneyDM: (( good grief ))

Moastuo: (( VORTEX OF SUCK ))

Onotole: (( Everyone knows that the only people that roll 20s are my NPCs on saves. ))

LooneyDM: (( you too Onotole? ))

Helena: (( ... ))

Helena: (( die, both of you ))

(Helena plays in both my other game and a game Onotole runs. She was spectating in this game)

Soban (Hybrid Form): (( Looks like its all up to me ))

Onotole: (( We're doomed ))

Looney out

Bags of Holding

Cats are funny. Especially when you load a bunch of them into a bag of holding. There's 14 grey cats here in the pictured poster, see if you can find all of them. Hint, look for the eyes, the feet all over are deceptive. Don't take too long or they'll suffocate before you can pull them all out again as there was no room for the bottle of air. I haven't stuck 14 cats in a bag of holding in game, but I've stowed corpses and other various and sundry items. So let's hear your tales, what's the weirdest item, creature or otherwise that you've hidden in a bag of holding?

Art from here

LooneyDM *goes kitty hunting*

Nuking various and sundry items

Nukes are impressive. Even the ones dropped from terrestrial planes are incredibly powerful. The ones carried by starships careening through the stars are even larger in their explosive nature as you can see in the poster here. I particularly like the blue engine glow in contrast to the star rending red and orange explosion of the nuke. Nukes are a weapon that PCs should not have. Even in my vast amusement of giving players crazy items, I would not give them a nuke. They will use it against you at the most inopportune time to cause the most damage to the campaign possible. This is also why you shouldn't play in a campaign where crafting a nuke of any sort is possible. Sadly I haven't run any modern campaigns so I have no PC nuke stories for your infinite amusement.

Art from here

LooneyDM *hides in his bomb shelter*

BBEG

What's the best way show your newest BBEG is a serious contender? Clearly ripping the head off a dragon and beating the players to death with it! Like this lovely demon here who is using a dragon head as a weapon. It looks pretty fresh too. He must be rather large himself to be wielding the dragon head one handed like that. Or the dragon was really small, but let's not go there. Nothing says "I'm a total badass" like taking out a powerful monster, or having a powerful monster's body parts in your regalia.

Let's hear about memorable BBEGs' with stylish weaponry you've made or encounter.

LooneyDM hangs his head in shame at not remembering where the art for this poster originated.

Fantasy Architecture

Fantasy buildings are magical. Thus they follow the rules of magic and not physics. Much like this precarious turquoise tower towering over the the seaside in ways that neither man nor god intended. Sadly the top was chopped off so you can't see it extending all the way up into the clouds. I'm currently running a campaign with a similar tower extending into the clouds. Unlike fantasy literature, this tower has a significant anti air defense system which has the added side effect of preventing the players from getting out as well as keeping things from getting in. All in all a lovely electric pickle.

Have you had experiences with bizarre fantasy architecture or created some of your own for a game world? Let's hear about it!

Original art for this poster from here

LooneyDM *designs more towers*

Lazy wednesday quote post

What it says on the tin. Except I'm in a rush and not in a lazy mood so much as a "get this posted dammit I don't have that much time left before I'm supposed to be DMing and I haven't prepare so thank goodness for my incredibly spledific improvising skills".

Vimac: I finally took damage and it wasn't from the enemy!

(We have a friendly fire problem)

Looney (to the dragonborn bard): Do you want to nail the sahaugin preistess?

Vimac: That must be where water dragons come from.

Tirah: Which means we have a BG.

Everyone: Oh, oh, oh, oh, staying alive, staying alive!

Goldielocks: He grabbed your finger.

Attapacca: Pull my finger.

Tirah(as the sahaugin): I like you big strong dragon lady, I *like* you.

Vimac: Why did they shift, they should have stayed put.

Goldielocks: That's a bunch of shift.

Goldielocks: I accidentally let one release.

DM: Eww, second wind!

Goldielocks: I have a cloak that lets me second wind twice.

Looney: The Baron goes down and floats up.

(The joys of fighting underwater)

Goldielocks: 34 damage

DM: That's wimpy

Cecilia: Is this an enemy.

Looney: I assume so, it stabbed Vimac.

Vimac: Not necessarily an enemy, I have that effect on people.

DM: 6 damage. Suck em up cupcake.

Goldielocks: It's not the same as when Tirah says it.

Goldielocks: I use adaptable franker

Vimac: Are there any minors I want to do?

DM(As darkblade tiefling): Hey there baby.

Cecilia(makes faces)

Looney: No tiefling tail for you?

Cecilia: I don't want what he's got.

DM(drops a big rocky monster on the map)

Cecilia: It's Ben Grimm!

DM: This is against will.

Goldielocks: Will you defend?

Vimac: He's got a little headband.

Goldielocks: He's a demon from the 80s, he attacks with the power of funk.

Tirah: Are you done Cecilia?

Cecilia: I don't know, am I going to get punched more?

Cecilia: I tie her up, and not in the fun way.

Vimac: I juggle my axe around her. *makes dropping axe motion*

Cecilia: I put up a "No juggling axes" sign.

Cecilia: I paid 10K gold to crew the ship, I'm fucking sailing the ship there.

LooneyDM out

The serious business of gaming

Everyone should take RPGs seriously. If you don't take them seriously then you're clearly not a true roleplayer like D&D kitten is here in the poster for today. I suggest indoctrinating your cat into D&D at an early age. Mourning the loss of the greats is an important ritual for every gamer. If you don't have a shrine to the master himself (Gary) you should give up any hope of every getting into the real magic. I know D&D kitten has a shrine to Gary, right next to the kitty shit box. You too should have a shrine to a D&D great next to your shit box. If you don't you should be ashamed of yourself and start working on one right now. Well get on it!

Source is lolcats

LooneyDM *goes to maintain his shrine*

Whirlwind Attack and other silly attack options.

Whirlwind attack is silly. If you picture in your minds eye how it works it always tends to end up with cartoon physics involved with legs and arms flailing in every which direction with speed lines behind. Much like the poster today illustrates. Except our whirlwind attacker is only using his feet. He does have the excellent speed lines and cartoon flailing. I once had a barbarian in a game a ran who swore by whirlwind attack. His swearing tended to attract hordes of monsters, but that was his aim. *cuss cuss cuss whirlwind attack*. Not the most winning of strategies but effective regardless.

No idea where I got this picture.

LooneyDM out

Why gaming is fun.

If anyone every asks you why gaming is fun. You merely need to direct them to this blog where they can revel in the awesomeness of gaming fun as exemplified by the quotes I bring to you on wednesdays. The innuendo was flying fast and furious this time around in my weekly saturday night game. It's almost to amazing to bear. Almost. Thus I give you the masterpiece theater of the RPG world, my saturday night group.

* Helena seems to have patched CrazyBitch's farting pieces.

* Steely Dan wakes up spooning a bugbear

Steely Dan: Ach, Ah smell like buggybear noo.

Clementine: Damn bitches getting in the way of my magic...

Steely Dan: (( I AM ROLE PLAYING ))

Steely Dan: (( DAMMIT ))

Helena: (( I can't tell them apart ))

VortDM: (( I can't either ))

Blacky: (( Speciests ))

Steely Dan: (( they're clones! CLONES! ))

* Helena can't wait to identify her new wands. She does not pay attention to the interrogation at all, instead fidgiting with SexyBitch.

Blacky: (( I don't want to know what you do with the golems on your spare time. ))

After interrogating a bugbear

Blacky: Thank you for your answers. If I miss with my arrow you are free to go.

* Blacky rolls: 1d20+12 => 13 + 12 = 25

* Blacky rolls: 1d8+4+1d6 => 5 + 4 + 5 = 14

*bugbear dies

My players decided to get creative and draw on the map...we named their creation "wallgator"

LooneyDM: (( we've got acid and a weed smoking alligator, what the heck sort of game am I running here? ))

Steely Dan: (( a really fun one? ))

Clementine: (( it's spe-shul. ))

Blacky: (( Just need a brain in a jar and it will be complete. ))

Helena: (( I'll get right on that ))

LooneyDM: (( Clementine's turn ))

Steely Dan: (( helena already has a drawing ))

LooneyDM: (( oh wait, she's busy with other things right now... ))

Helena: (( TMI ))

Steely Dan: (( Looney stop with those suggestive ellipses! ))

Clementine: (( um... wut? ))

Clementine: (( I was putting together a cart with shelves ;n; ))

Steely Dan: (( A LIKELY STORY ))

Helena: (( they're trying to ride the wallgator together ))

Klo: (( it is a very nice wallgator ))

Helena: (( MINIONS ))

Helena: (( :D ))

Blacky: (( Did I get hit while I was gone. ))

Steely Dan: (( yes ))

Steely Dan: (( you died ))

Steely Dan: (( tragically ))

Helena: (( you are now a puddle of acid ))

Blacky: (( Bummer. Guess I'll make up a black pudding next. ))

LooneyDM: (( which brings us to Steely ))

Helena: (( climb on top of atargatis and slice? ))

Helena: (( HOT FEEGLE ON WARBLADE ACTION ))

Steely Dan: (( ummmm ))

Clementine: (( XD ))

Atargatis: (( ...You have permission to stand on my shoulders ))

Atargatis: (( NOTHING MORE ))

* Clementine takes out the wand of vigor

Steely Dan: (( bowchickabowwow ))

Helena: (( Clem sensually applies her vigorous wand to Atargatis's tender areas ))

LooneyDM out

Power Levels and optimization

Into any game some optimization must fall. Watch your back though, or you'll have to pump your dragons up to OVER 9000! to keep up with your players. And then you'll be forced to have them do Dragonball Z imitations like this poor dragon in the poster today. Optimization is one of those things that systems handle in a wide variety of ways. Some systems throw caution to the wind and expect the players to have a gentlemen's agreement to play at the same power level. Other systems lock the players into the power level the developers expect the game to be played at. Then there's the entire spectrum in between. I have to say I don't see the advantage of having such a spectrum. Balance is for weaklings who can't communicate their intentions and desires to the rest of the group. Besides, who doesn't want to play in a campaign that's OVER 9000!

Original art

LooneyDM *IS OVER 9000*

Taking the Initiative

There are situations in RPGs where it's entirely beneficial to be the first to act. Sadly most RPGs are pretty poor at running mexian standoffs like the huge mess of people pointing guns at everyone else you see in the poster today. Turn based initiative and metric ass tons of hit points make mexican standoffs impractical and not nearly as tense as a 14 person standoff with automatic weaponry. Unless you're talking near epic level casters in D&D 3.5, who play their own special brand of rocket tag. I admit I used to have an initiative problem in the D&D 4e game I play. Then my rogue passed away and I returned to playing a leader. Our avenger still has an initiative problem. She keeps rolling 2s on her init check. It's a sad state of affairs when the fighter who has an init mod of +1 regularly goes before the avenger who has an init mod of ~+6.

Do you have init problems in your groups? Or perhaps mexican standoff problems?

Picture from here Poster by me.

LooneyDM *misfires*

Crashing the campaign blog with quotes

Wednesdays are my favorite blog post days. Because all the humor is prepackaged and ready to go. I merely have to transcribe it and hone the grammar to a fine comedic precision. Thus I give you a refined comedic masterpiece each wednesday for your perusal and spectacular amusement. Or a bunch of fart jokes. Whichever happens first.

DM: How do you know it's a he?

Looney: It doesn't have boobs.

Goldielocks: I checked it out.

Cecilia: My ears can't hear that sort of potty language. They're not a toilet.

DM: Well flibberty gibbet to you.

Goldielocks: My hair can't be cut by normal blades.

Cecilia: I can always count on you to make the conversation stupider.

Goldielocks (writing on character sheet): Prayer beads for hair.

Cecilia (after another crappy initiative roll): That's it! Next feat I'm taking is danger sense so I can roll twice for initiative.

Looney: That'll let you roll two 2's instead of one.

DM: The staff does electric damage.

Cecilia: Does it require batteries?

Goldielocks: I've got my hat of +INT on so I'll be extra witty today.

Goldielocks: I know you're around our level because we saw you.

DM: It's a conch of summoning. Allies within one mile know your exact location and status effects.

Attapacca: It's a GPS conch!

DM: The battle rages!

Vimac and Goldielocks: * machine gun and hand grenade noises *

Goldielocks: The trap was two tesla coils on a train.

DM: Two testicles?

Goldielocks: My hair will shield us all!

Vimac(Upon examining Goldielocks dice collection and finding pink dice): You have hello kitty dice too, don't you?

Goldielocks: This hat gives me +1 to attack rolls.

LooneyDM out

Water Elementals

Water elementals, aka death by drowning, aka the waves wash over you and you're dead. Drowning is such a wonderful way to die. It's poetic in its execution. As you die your face slowly turns the color of the element around you. And I can't keep that bull up any longer. Dying by drowning is mostly hilarious as all you do is go *glub blub glub* It's even more hilarious when it's a water elemental. You fall in a puddle and it attacks you! At least once you level up they're more lake sized. Death by a tiny water elemental would be so demeaning but I'm sure it's happened. I imagine dead low level adventurers waiting to get shuffled off to their after life having this conversation.

Hero 1: How did you die?

Hero 2: I got killed by a lucky shot from an orc barbarian. What about you?

Hero 1: I'd rather not say.

Hero 2: Come on! I told you, you need to tell me.

Hero 1: It's kinda embarrassing...

Hero 2: Tell me!

Hero 1: Alright! I got killed by a puddle!

Source is GIS search for Clark Little or waves

LooneyDM *surfs*