Late (Slide)

I've been tardy on updating this week. I blame my work schedule. Switching from day shift to night shift always throws me for a loop. You can always tell the player characters. The come up with the craziest plans to avoid the mundane. Need to get down the stairs? Summon a slide. Never mind that it would be more work to summon the slide than simply walk down the stairs. Walking down stairs must be expedited dammit! I need a slide like this. Now if only my house had stairs other than the ones going down into the basement.

LooneyDM *zzzz*

Awesome (of Legends)

Everything would benefit from a suitable injection of steampunk ninja catgirls. Especially if they replace the standard fair of lesbian stripper ninjas. Somewhere out there there's a mythical campaign full of characters similar to this run by a DM who comes up with equally awesome opponents for them to face off in challenges great and small. I am not that DM, but I will be someday. Practice makes perfect and all that jazz. Here's to the future.

Art by this artist

LooneyDM *plans*

Wednesday already?

When did it get to be wednesday again? Today I guess. That means quotes. Quotes from my crazy saturday group. Here you go.


Steely Dan: Ah hear beer
Clementine: ...you HEAR beer?
Steely Dan: Aye
Clementine: What does it sound like?
Steely Dan: comin' out o' a tap, ye ken
Steely Dan: it sounds delicious

*beer elemental appears
Atargatis: (( This may be the greatest monster ever. ))
Atargatis: (( Everyone! Get your mugs, steins, and straws! ))
Atargatis: (( We're taking this thing DOWN ))
Clementine: (( I don't suppose anyone has a Summon Frat House spell? ))

LooneyDM: As steely drops the feather token at his feet, he is borne aloft
LooneyDM: by a tower oak tree that smashes him into the ceiling of the cavern
Steely Dan: (( ow what ))
Helena: "THAT would be for setting me on fire!"
* Helena makes a rude gesture.
Steely Dan: Ah'm goin' ta kill ye.
Steely Dan: Nae one gets between me an' beer an' lives.
Helena: "C'mon, get over here and I'll cast the flight spell on you, silly feegle..."

* Clementine throws a glob of acid at the beer. TAINTED!
* Clementine rolls: d20+12 => 8 + 12 = 20
Steely Dan: (( uh oh ))
* Steely Dan rolls: 1d20+3 spot => 3 + 3 = 6
LooneyDM: (( that will hit the poor beer elemental's crappy touch ac ))
* Clementine rolls: 3d6+1 => 16 + 1 = 17
Steely Dan: (( you're lucky there clem, looks like steely didn't see you do that ))
Clementine: (( ... ))
Steely Dan: (( because you would be next on his list ))
Steely Dan: (( BEER IS SRS BZNS ))

Helena: (( I just have my boobs ))
LooneyDM: (( what? ))
LooneyDM: (( flaming boobs? ))
Helena: (( loool ))
Clementine: (( boobs of doom? ))
Steely Dan: (( all boobs are of doom ))
Steely Dan: (( omg especially moobs ))
Steely Dan: (( those are extra doomy ))

* Steely Dan glares at helena
Helena: "Hey, what are you doing?"
Steely Dan: Here, Ah dinnae need this.
* Steely Dan tosses other feather
Helena: (( looool ))
Steely Dan: (( hee hee hee ))
Steely Dan: (( I bet it doesn't do anything ))
Steely Dan: (( looney'll be all THAT WAS THE ONE THAT MADE YOU FLY FOR REALS ))
Steely Dan: (( then poor clementine will be a widow ))
Helena: "You're missing out on the beer!"
Clementine: (( ;n; ))
Steely Dan: It's no' goin' anywhere
LooneyDM: A huge tree grows out of the water under helena
Helena: "It's getting warm! OH, GOODNESS!"
Clementine: (( TREE! ))
* Helena laughs shrilly.
Helena: "KEEE HEE HEE HEE"
LooneyDM: Helena is now tree'd
Steely Dan: (( treerape ))
Steely Dan: (( >_> ))
LooneyDM: (( O_O ))
Clementine: (( . ))
Clementine: (( ._. ))
Atargatis: (( I think I'll stick with '...' ))
Steely Dan: (( too far? ))
Helena: "Hahaha, OOOH these leaves are so supple..."
Atargatis: (( ... ))
LooneyDM: (( you're so nice to each other ))
Steely Dan: (( XD ))
Steely Dan: (( SHE STARTED IT ))

Clementine: (( WOOOOO! LEVEL UP! With 2 xps to spare XD ))

Steely Dan: (( the trees are entirely helena's fault ))
Steely Dan: (( both of them ))
Helena: (( YOU SET ME ON FIRE ))
Steely Dan: (( YOU SET *ME* ON FIRE *FIRST* ))
Helena: (( YOU WERE BEING SILLY ))
Steely Dan: (( AND THAT IS A REASON TO BARBECUE ME?? ))
Helena: (( magic is srs bznz ))

Steely Dan: (( hey I didn't make this sheet ))
Helena: (( THE SHEET IS MEJICK ))

Steely Dan: they shoulda jus' done seppuku when they saw us
Blacky: Seppuku...is that some kind of drinking game?

Steely Dan: Mebbe they were here for some hanky panky?
Steely Dan: winkwinknudgenudge
* Clementine does not want to think of bugbear hanky panky. Ew.
Steely Dan: (( TOO LATE NOW ))
Steely Dan: (( HAHAHA ))
Clementine: (( noooooooes! ))
Clementine: (( BRAIN BLEACH! ))

Clementine: (( and if I move her on top of the werewolf, she takes damage. ))
Steely Dan: (( but it will be funny! ))
* Clementine holds on to Atargatis and they both disappear in a shimmer of light
Steely Dan: (( werewolf will be all 'WTF THERE IS SOMEONE ON ME" ))
Steely Dan: (( and then BEC does a ride check ))
Atargatis: (( And I will be all 'OHGAWDCLAWS' ))
Steely Dan: (( and TA DA werewolf mount ))

LooneyDM: (( Clementine's turn. However she is indisposed. She will return shortly ))
Helena: (( ... ))
Clementine: (( .... ))
Helena: (( was I the only one who... ))
Clementine: (( I NEEDED TO PEE. ))

Helena: (( actually I'll double move the other bitch... ))
Clementine: (( that sounds like something that should be yelled... double move, bitch! ))

LooneyDM out

Casual Players

Casual players. Only such as these would come up with a gag like the BALLS OF VECNA! No more needs to be said about the demotivator. Other than *snip snip* All my current players in my Saturday game are approximately this crazy. It's where most of the quotes originate. My other groups are certainly getting into the act. I think some of them are just doing it for the quotage. I don't blame them. Some days I only run games for the quotage. It makes games lots of fun. I entirely appreciate casual players, whom make up the majority of my one current group. Though calling them casual players at this point may be a bit of a misnomer as I've run games for several of them for the past 3-4 years running. Oh well. They still have the new player smell. What? Don't look at me like that.

Art from here

LooneyDM *slips away*

Cyberpunk (The green goo!)

Cyberpunk and the color green. Two ideas joined at the hip and never the twain shall part. I mean really. Every time you get a cyberpunk feeling going there's alway indeterminate green goo dripping, flowing or plain old burbling somewhere in the scenery. It just wouldn't be cyberpunk with out it. Bonus points if you've got bodies floating in the goo like today's poster.

It has to be that particular flavor of green as well. It can't be a happy natural plant green, it has to be the sickly unnatural chemical brewing green. Because everyone knows that there are no plants in the cyberpunk future. Only nasty nasty chemicals that ooze all over in the grim dark underbelly of the techno mess that is the future.

LooneyDM *oozes*

Quotes! (or you should expect this by now)

Everyone loves a lazy quote post. Unless you're some sort of curmugdeon who hates quotes. If you were that sort of horrid person you wouldn't be here reading my blog anyways. Enjoy!

Vimac and Goldielocks start singing

Attapacca: My plan is working, soon I'll have a full acapella group.

Looney: Cecilia won't join, she'll be headdesking.

Attapacca: She's our percussion.

Goldielocks (reading the base of his figure): Human male. Wait, he's human?

Looney: Wait, he's male?

Goldielocks: I challenge him to fisticuffs... with an axe.

Looney: Assticuffs?

Attapacca: Axeticuffs.

Goldielocks: Assticuffs requires privacy.

Attapacca (dragonborn bard): I'll go free the prisoners because I'm the least scary.

Goldielocks: The bugbear has a heart on his chest.

DM: He's the love bugbear.

DM: I've heard of sea horses but this is ridiculous.

Vimac: They're phantom steeds so they don't make a lot of noise when they're walking on water.

Goldielocks: So if they were flying they'd be walking on sunshine.

Attapacca: He's trying to math. It's hard.

Looney: I throw my returning greataxe.

Attapacca: And duck when it comes back.

Vimac: What part of "I kick the door in" don't you understand.

Attapacca: *rolls a 3* I'll use my action point. *rolls a 1*

Goldielocks: Action point well spent.

Later

Goldielocks: *rolls a 2* action point! *rolls a 2*

Looney: I'm using astral flare.

Goldielocks: Flare their astrals

Attapacca (after descending from the crow's nest of a ship): I'm down.

Vimac: Finally.

Attapacca: I'll have a majestic word for you!

DM: Tirah

Goldielocks: I'm going to tear up too.

Looney: He's a Kyton. He's covered in chains.

Attapacca: It's Bob Marley.

DM: Get a bugbear crew.

Goldielocks: I'll name them all Chewy.

DM: It gets distracted by a herd of elephants.

Looney: Underwater elephants?

DM: It's D&D

Goldielocks: They're Welephants.

Goldielocks: Look! Herpes! I mean harpies...

Vimac: I traded out my minotaur hat for a cowboy hat.

Goldielocks: I have tidings of bananas and unflung poo.

Vimac: I have a black belt in unflung poo.

DM: Do you have any fruits?

Tirah: Besides goldielocks?

Vimac: He's not a fruit, he's a vegetable.

LooneyDM out

Balance on the Sky

I love the little quirks of D&D 3.5. Especially things like the epic skill usages. Reliably hit 120 for your balance check and you too can stand on a cloud or other similarly ridiculous object like a bunch of balloons. Small girl with bunch of balloons not included in balance skill. Each epic skill has its own uses, most of them not attainable with out the most out there optimization you can attain. All for naught when you realize that Fly is a 3rd level spell. Still worth the fun of finding out how to get that reliable 120 balance check. mmmm theoretical optimization cheese for expressly silly purposes.

LooneyDM out

NPCs

The PCs are here! Quick! Hide the NPCs! If only they had the skills of Waldo and Carmen Sandiego to help them escape those dastardly PCs who treat them like so much replaceable garbage. Until they need help, or information, or a new magic item. Then the PCs are so suddenly happy to play nice with NPCs.

I blame video games. After all if video games had never come to pass there would be no NPCs who's only impact on the game consisted of a single line of dialog thus prompting players to ignore them completely. Of course it was bound to happen some time that players ignore NPCs. They are the PCs after all and if we DMs were really honest with ourselves we'd know that NPCs aren't important in the grand scheme of things. But who really wants to admit that when the PCs brushed off that NPCs who had such a great personality and story potential just so they can get to killing things and taking their stuff?

LooneyDM *Out*

Lazy quote post wednesdays

What did you think would happen? Eh? Be entertained by my player's insanity!

Steely Dan: (( clearly we are still groggy from sleep ))

Atargatis: (( Also from the 20 status effects I got hit with last time ))

Helena: (( my skill points bring all the boys to the yard... ))

Helena: (( Clem SUMMONS AN EXALTED UNICORN OF EHLONNA ))

Clementine: (( alls I have prepared is summon monster lvl 1 XD ))

Helena: (( ;_; ))

Steely Dan: (( SUMMON RABID MONKEY ))

Clementine: (( so I could summon EXALTED PUPPY OF EHLONNA ))

Helena: (( It's a TINY unicorn ))

Clementine: (( itsa pony! ))

Helena: (( death by cuteness ))

Nelven: (( i can use my bag of tricks to summon large animals ))

Atargatis: (( Ponycorn! ))

LooneyDM: The searing light blasts down the corridor with a silent boom, missing the goblins

Clementine: (( How can the sun MISS? ))

Helena: (( /me cries ))

Clementine: (( it's so big! ))

LooneyDM: (( the goblins dodge the sun ))

Clementine: (( Next time, I take Katamari Ball for a spell. ))

LooneyDM: (( katamari ball? http://www.d20srd.org/srd/spells/flamingSphere.htm ))

Clementine: (( nope, I want the real deal. ))

Atargatis: (( Yes! Katamari ball! ))

Atargatis: (( Let's make stars out of 'em! ))

Clementine: (( searing light wasn't suppose to miss ;n; ))

Clementine: (( I love the sound of the people screaming as they're rolled into the Katamari XD ))

Steely Dan: (( silent boom ))

Steely Dan: (( wut ))

LooneyDM: The goblins hop up and down while rolling over each other to attack

*attack rolls*

Helena: (( HAY ))

Helena: (( THEIR TO HIT WENT DOWN, FFFFFF ))

Helena: (( they're getting gangbang bonuses ))

Steely Dan: (( um ))

Steely Dan: (( ew ))

Steely Dan: (( the "rolling over each other" just went to a horrible place ))

Helena: (( lol, +3 ghetto bonus ))

Steely Dan: (( brainbleach plz ))

Steely Dan: (( did I kill him? ))

Helena: (( no ))

LooneyDM: (( yes ))

Steely Dan: (( IS IT CLEAVAGE TIME?! ))

Steely Dan: (( also my average is up to 6.66 now ))

Helena: (( devil's number ))

LooneyDM: (( the number of the dicechan! ))

Steely Dan: (( YES ))

* Steely Dan rolls: 1d20+2 search why not => 12 + 2 = 14

* Steely Dan rolls: 1d20 search for acorn! => 10

LooneyDM: Steely Dan finds an acorn

Nelven: (( XD ))

Steely Dan: (( ... ))

Atargatis: (( Dangit I wanted that acorn! ))

Clementine: (( What's that you say? ))

Clementine: (( Your lips are moving, but all I hear are seagulls! ))

* Helena notes that CrazyBitch's ass has a small flame coming out of it.

Clementine: o.O

Helena: "Oh, fucking WONDERFUL."

LooneyDM: (( that's just the pilot light ))

* werewolf 1 looks directly at Nelven "YOU!"

Nelven: Err, hullo

Steely Dan: Oh tha's jus' my retarded cousin

* LooneyDM rolls: 1d20+4 bugbears => 7 + 4 = 11

Helena: (( PRAISE JESUS ))

Atargatis: (( PRAISE SANTA ))

* LooneyDM rolls: 1d20+8 bugbears => 17 + 8 = 25

Steely Dan: (( PRAISE SANTA CHRIST ))

Helena: (( WHAT ))

Clementine: (( praise raspberries! ))

Blacky: (( Yeah Santa ))

Helena: (( BULLSHIT ))

Atargatis: (( YES! ))

Steely Dan: (( I had to say it ))

Helena: (( NO ))

Clementine: (( lol ))

Blacky: (( Is Jesus fighting Santa again? ))

LooneyDM: Nelven's orb of acid splats into the wall behind the bugbear

wall: "Ouch! Watch where you're shooting!"

Nelven: "Err, sorry"

wall: "It's okay, but don't let it happen again."

Atargatis: (( Wall is our greatest friend ))

Steely Dan: (( wall is with us everywhere we go ))

Steely Dan: (( we love wall ))

* Helena cackles as horrifying, jet black tentacles erupt from the floor in front of blacky and steely

LooneyDM: (( hmm, didn't know you had that prepped ))

* Steely Dan reflexively protects his bum from the tentacles!

LooneyDM: (( 69 damage exactly, are you trying to tell him something Steely? ))

Steely Dan: (( yes to FUCK OFF ))

Steely Dan: (( :P ))

* Helena castrates the bugbear

Blacky: Mountain Oysters for Helena?

Steely Dan: Ye're kinda queer, Helena

* Helena decides to make this a collection.

Atargatis: "Helena.. what... what the hell are you doing collecting Bugbear testacles?"

LooneyDM *out*

Apocalypse (now with bikers!)

In so many cases the apocalypse doesn't look much different from D&D. This was the case for the one shot I ran this weekend for a group of friends. They didn't have any bike mounted railguns like in the picture but they did have a crazy lot of fun. Since I know you're just here for the quotes and the motivational posters anyways, here's the quotes from the weekend game:

The Roster:

One stealthy mechanic biker (Cortland)

One stealthy ninja biker (Aeridus)

One tough girl in stilettos (Dragonmajik)

One tough guy with replaceable hands on a spring loaded tank bike (Mrs Cortland)

One medic with a taser on a bike (Nyke)

One greasy eats-anything biker (FadingAura)

One zen master biker (Telly)

One sparkly anime biker princess (MixedMyth)

LooneyDM: Does your biker gang have a name?

Cortland: Not in the face!

MixedMyth: No, that's our battle cry.

LooneyDM: Or you can be a nameless biker gang.

Dragonmajik: We'll be "Nameless Biker Gang" That should buy us at least one round of confusion.

Everyone: Chicken Stilletos!

Cortland: My character has an eye patch. His nickname is one eyed monster. He's sneaky.

LooneyDM: You're the sneaky one eyed monster!

Cortland: I'm looking for a back way.

LooneyDM: The sneaky one eyed monster is going for the back door.

FadingAura: Do you need help with that?

LooneyDM: Okay, your biker gang has a sparkly anime princess.

MixedMyth: She follows the one true doctrine of sailor moon.

Aeridus: I'll tilt over the windmill.

Cortland: So you're tilting windmills.

LooneyDM: He destroys your studded leather jacket. Do you have any other defenses?

Dragonmajik: I distract him by flashing my tits.

A few of my regulars from the saturday were at this game so the usual hijinks ensued.

Art from here

LooneyDM *bikes off*