Hit Points

Been done before, but hit point jokes never get old.  Especially with that many arrows sticking out of you.  Either way have some critical humor hits in the form of these quotes from my wednesday game.

* Pitch uses hand signals to communicate what she sees
Iannes: ....there's pies in the fridge?

Pitch: (( If you did hit me, you'd be in trouble ))
Pitch: (( Then again, I'm fire resistant ))
Pitch: (( Maybe we should plan around that! ))

While down in the sewers

Rendar: How about we take a breather before heading back with the girl.

Markarian: theres not much to breathe around here
Pitch: "Breathe? Down here?"

* Iannes rolls: d20+0 Insight to reporter lying or misinforming => 3 + 0 = 3
Iannes: (( I believe everything he says, including that the sky is made of candy ))
* Rendar rolls: 1d20+1 insight => 1 + 1 = 2
Rendar: (( The sky is candy! ))

Pitch: "If this mission gets me a half-step closer to punching the face of the guy who framed me for a crime I didn't commit? I will walk across hot coals for it. So enough of your pessimism."
Rendar: "Aren't you resistant to fire?"
Pitch: "Shh. You weren't supposed to remember that."

LooneyGM: Yes. A slightly unusual request but not out of ny expertise.
Rendar: (( The inquisitors that say ny ))

Rendar: (( We'll just call Iannes Captain Fubar. ))

Pitch: (( Do the Dark Lanterns all get rings with cosmic powers? ))

Rendar: (( By darkest day, by brightest night... ))

* Laemkral rolls: d20+9 => 20 + 9 = 29
* Iannes I AM LOKI, KING OF LIES

LooneyDM: You have heroically agreed to help him out after the mob smashed up his inn
Iannes: (( They ruined my favorite stool. ))
Pitch: (( That's us! Helping the downtrodden. Also I like this inn. ))
Iannes: (( I LIKED THAT STOOL. IT WAS WELL POLISHED. ))

Rendar: (( Well why don't you take a sample of that stool for a keepsake. ))

Iannes: Oh fuck me.
Rendar: I wouldn't say that so loud near an ogre.

LooneyGM: (( eenie meenie miny moe ))
Dashiyn: (( come at me bro! ))
Iannes: (( That rhymes ))

Markarian: (( its like an icy hot pad thats also Bi ))

LooneyGM: Pitch goes over the edge
Pitch: "I REGRET NOTHING!"

Markarian: Ray of Frost: 25 vs. Fort. On hit 11 and the target is slowed
Markarian: stay forsty goblin
Markarian: dammit
Rendar: I bet hes forsty

Pitch: (( When did I graduate from falling off of towers to spinning death top? ))

Markarian: acrobat boots, all the cool kids are using them
Rendar: If by cool you meant me, you are correct.
Markarian: what can i say big guy, youre rubbing off on me, and by that i mean youre filthy

Markarian: pitch, i need one of your dresses
Pitch: "I just have the one, and it's tailored for someone with a tail."

Markarian: good, ill fill the hole with alchemist fire

Pitch: (( I will supply a box if it means Markarian sneaks around Metal Gear Solid style ))

murdock: (( markarian is strangely turned on by his brothers roughness ))
Iannes: (( okay Homosexual McFeycest, take it easy ))

Pitch: (( Oh no he's going to offer you his daughter's hand in marriage! ))
murdock: (( its not too bad, its a carry-on sized wife ))

Markarian: i used to be a grand wizard! then the orcs stole my magic

Iannes: (( Suck my elven balls ))
Iannes: (( Like my ears, they are pointy ))

Iannes: (( Well I now need to paint Markarian red so he has more dakka, that's the only way left to make him even more dangerous ))

Markarian: (( ok, lets just go in disguise ))
Markarian: (( ill dress as lady stripper ))

Markarian: (( go pitch! i know you can do it! ))
* Pitch rolls: 1d20+8 flail => 7 + 8 = 15
* Pitch rolls: 1d20+8 mace => 7 + 8 = 15

Pitch: (( Dicechan, 7s are not good luck if you're rolling a d20! ))
Markarian: (( thats it, im not going to be positive anymore ))

Markarian: (( maybe you should switch up for some longswords, something with a +3 ))
Pitch: (( But the flail is awesome! ))
Markarian: (( is it pitch? is it? ))
Pitch: (( Yes! ))
Pitch: (( *sulks* ))

LooneyGM: There they regaled him with stories of dead gnolls, burning carts, and pirates
Iannes: (( Or as it's known in my homeland....Tuesday ))

Dashiyn: (( are you crawling around? ))
Markarian: (( yes ))
Markarian: (( never question a wizard about his ways ))

Markarian: (( im gonna use prestidigitation to make it look like im pulling scarves and doves out of his corpse ))

LooneyGM: No assassins come for you in the night, and you all wake rested and refreshed
Iannes: (( Well, that's almost reassuring. ))

Art from WotC art gallery
LooneyDM out