Friday, December 31, 2010

Flesh to Sand

I really don't have anything to say about this other than good luck trying to move a guy made out of sand without loosing any parts. A true resurrection spell is in his future. That or a character reroll if the party can't (or won't) scrape together the funds for it.

Art from GIS for sandscupltures and really there's a crapton of them
LooneyDM out.

Tuesday, December 28, 2010

Final Boss Battle

Not every boss battle has to be about combat. Some of them can be about other things. And it can really throw you players for a loop if they're expecting combat. "We buff up and charge in!" "The final battle begins! Dance off for the fate of the universe!" "Wtf?!"

Art from here
LooneyDM out

Friday, December 24, 2010

Gnomes

Gnomes. Loved. Hated. Nothing in between. Such is life for our tiny big-nosed prankster friends. They only prank you because they care. About your unending suffering at the hands of a thousand tiny practical jokes. Mwa ha ha ha.

LooneyDM out

Tuesday, December 21, 2010

Thrones


Players tend to expect things. When they start expecting thrones, especially ones belonging to npcs, you need to have a sit down dragged out talk with them. If that doesn't work, convert to brawling forthwith.

Art from here
LooneyDM out

Saturday, December 18, 2010

Zombies!


Zombies! They have gotten to my brains. My last stand was more of the silly type. Here's some quotes

Art from jollyjack and GIS for zombies

Gareth: I'm a sesquipedilarian

DM: The room is trashed.
Akuma: I search the room for loots.
DM: You find trash.

Tsoria: Why do I talk to him? You'd think being married to him I'd know better.

Tsoria: It's my long lost brother. Teh Jeff!

Looney: Of course when I roll twice they're both awesome.

Gareth: I'm going to throw off a twinning stance on me, myself, and...
Akume: ...Irene

DM: This is a shadow demon. It's held together by malice and hate.
Looney: It's weak against hugs and kisses.

Tsoria: I'm going to use holy smite batman.

DM: You have frosting on your lip, is that what you tell Strahd.
Tsoria: Come over here and taste my frosting big boy.

DM: The large figure shuffles towards you.
Looney: Is he doing the truffle shuffle?
Akuma: It would be better if he was doing Thriller

DM: What's your initiative?
Looney: Last.

Akuma: I'm crystal fresh (shardmind)

Teh Jeff: I'm using appalling crunch.
Gareth: That sounds like a breakfast cereal.

Gareth: That's Mr. Warlord to you. Maybe even captain.

fighting a big glass heart
Akuma: This is only the second time in his life Akuma has had to break a heart

And we switched DMs again. This time Vimac's player is DMing
Akuma became Curd, Minotaur Seeker
Tsoria and Gareth stayed the same
I became a halfling sorcerer
Attapacca became Barden "Bones" dwarven cleric
Thalia joined us. Goliath Warden
Tor joined us. Razorclaw shifter Monk

DM: He draws out Gareth.
Gareth: Pick my wife next.
Thalia: 3, 3 fatalities ah ha ha ha

Gareth: You need to mooove.
Looney: He likes to moove it, moove it
(Minotaur characters are so much fun to tease)

Curd: I'm in the mood for halfling stew.
Looney: I'd like to see you try. I'll make your hair stand on end for a week.

Tsoria: I used one healing surge.
Thalia: I used febreeze

Curd: Moo money, moo problems

Curd: Frosty the snowwoman with some very scary snow

Gareth: Lay hands on me when you get a chance.
Thalia: Kinky

Tsoria: Is that you? (Gareth)
Curd: She doesn't remember what her husband looks like.

Tsoria (after lay on hands): Was it good for you?

Looney: We're getting knocked up. (Pause) Knocked around, around!

DM: He can't see the halfing.
Looney: My lightning appears to be coming out of the lower half of the minotaur.
Tsoria: The minotaur is shooting lightning out his ass.
Curd: I had some bad taquitos last night.

DM: You take 24 damage
Thalia: I'm down
Tsoria: Does that mean I don't get flanking any more?

DM: On the goblin you find a chain shirt, a battleaxe, and a pouch.
Curd: A couch?

Gareth: Medic! Oh wait that's me.

DM: If you don't like my English...
Gareth: Don't you mean common?

DM: Agrid, the gnome. Brother to Hagrid. Agrid is a miniature half-giant.

Gareth: I distract the drakes "I have beef jerky"
DM: It's right there in front of them (referring to the minotaur)
Curd: Well I am delicious

DM: He's almost dead
Curd: I know how that feels.
(Curd has been bloodied or dying nearly every fight)

Curd: He bravely shifts away.

Looney: The defenders and leaders are forming a defensive line.
Barden "Bones" : At least it's not a chorus line.

DM: The trees are cover, the rocks are difficult terrain.
Gareth: What are the monkeys?
Curd: The monkeys are fun terrain.

Gareth: Well crud.
Curd: Yes?

LooneyDM out.

Friday, December 17, 2010

Kobolds

Commoners beware! The kobolds are infesting the janitorial staff. I've always wondered about kobolds. They're like the picked on kid of the D&D universe. Them and goblins. Of course having them in a more modern setting would lead to all sorts of interesting conundrums. Likely they'd be subjugated like they always are but instead of cannon fodder they'd be janitors and garbagemen and all the other lowly jobs no one else wants to do. Hooray for inherent systematic racism!

Picture from Epic Win
LooneyDM out

Tuesday, December 14, 2010

Template Monsters

In 3.5 D&D there are these wonderful things called templates. They allow for such craziness as flying pigs, ghostly gelatinous cubes, and all other manner of bizarre monstrosities. Before I found out about templates I would just do silly things like fire pigs out of catapults or ballistas. There was also the time they were on strings.

Art from here
LooneyDM out

Saturday, December 11, 2010

Epic

Epic is in the eye of the beholder. Sometimes literally. Not so much when you're facing down an entire undead army. A great way to let your players know that they have arrived is the quality of the enemies they face. Fighting bandits and rats puts them near the bottom of the food chain, even if they never see much else. It's when they move on up to monsters and opponents that are threats to entire nations that they can say they've become big heroes. Now this isn't the be and end all of epic, but it's certainly one of its parts. Until next time.

Art from here
LooneyDM out.

Thursday, December 9, 2010

Imagination

I entirely like this picture. It's like a visual aid that you could whip out for an amazing RPG session. But it would take way too much work to do something like this all the time, which runs right into the point. You have to leave room for the player's imagination in your descriptions. Leave no doubt about the major points but give hints as to what else may be in the area. This is the essence of efficient descripting.

LooneyDM out

Tuesday, December 7, 2010

Distractions

Look! A distraction! That should keep you from realizing I haven't updated in nearly a week. Sadly I don't have a sexy lady to distract you from my dragon of lack of updates but it will have to suffice. So here's a poster and some quotes.
And now for something very much the same.

* Dahmpir rolls: d20+21 => 20 + 21 = 41
Clementine: (( nice ))
Steely Dan: (( you are totally invisible ))
Clementine: (( Myko loses sight of himself. ))

LooneyDM: (( my poor bugbear helpers ))
Helena: (( delicious HAMBURGER HELPER ))

Nelven: (( hel is really attached to her bitches ))
Helena: (( MY BABIES ))
Nelven: (( XD ))
Atargatis: (( My giant hulking animated chunks of armor! ))
Helena: (( I should rename them SexyBaby and CrazyBaby ))

Dahmpir: (( imma bite him ))
* Dahmpir rolls: d20+12 => 1 + 12 = 13
Helena: (( good god ))
Dahmpir: (( good god leoTard!! ))
Helena: (( I am sorry Dahmpir, but this bot, she don't like you ))
Atargatis: (( This bot is a cruel mistress ))
Dahmpir: (( soooo i bite....myself... ))
Atargatis: (( I see what you're going for with leotard, but you know that's an article of clothing, right? ))

* Steely Dan chops off the dead bugbear leader's head
Steely Dan: "Righ' so... this isna gonna fit in mah kilt"

Atargatis: (( You really made it far while we weren't paying attention ))
* Steely Dan sits down and plays cards with acorn while waiting
Steely Dan: (( you guys are slooooooow ))

LooneyDM: The benches and planks lift steely off the ground in a bizarre clavacade of interlocking wood. It smushes down to smaller than feegle size.
* LooneyDM rolls: 2d8+10 constrict damages => 7 + 10 = 17
Steely Dan: AUGH! AH'M BEIN' SQUISHED! AH'LL BE FEEGLE JAM!

Steely Dan: Ah think whute'er, or whoe'er it is, must wanta eat me
Steely Dan: 'cos it KEEPS HAPPENIN
Clementine: Maybe you look like a tastey morsel to the monsters?
* Steely Dan looks flatly at Clementine
Steely Dan: Do Ah look tasty t'ye?
Steely Dan: Ah mean, really.
* Steely Dan shakes his head
Clementine: I don't think you look tastey, myself.
Clementine: Maybe if we wrapped you up in bacon...
Steely Dan: :|
Atargatis: "If we find bacon we are not using it as wrapping."
Atargatis: "I am saying that right now,"

Atargatis: (( Dammit if I get bitten again because of this I blame YOU, Helena ))

Helena: (( « 1d20+19 = 1 + 19 = 20 » nature check on wuffs? ))
Helena: (( wtf ))
LooneyDM: (( brain fart ))

Helena: (( OH, they're wielding polearms, eh? ))
Helena: (( not for long >:3 ))
LooneyDM: (( you realize them loosing their polearms is what provokes them biting and infecting ))
Helena: (( :D ))
Helena: (( we should all become wuffs ))
LooneyDM: (( are you trying to turn the entire team chaotic evil? ))
Helena: (( MEBBE >_> ))

* Atargatis rolls: 1d20+17 kaboom! => 1 + 17 = 18
Steely Dan: (( hooray! ))
Steely Dan: (( I just want to be clear, my hooray was for bonecrusher, not the 1 ))

Atargatis: "Did they? I thought they were working with the Barquest before. Or whatever that guy was called."
Clementine: "Barquest? That sounds like something that would interest Steely"

Helena: (( maybe it's a dildo ))
Dahmpir: (( k thats what i was checking for ))
Steely Dan: (( what kind of thing would have a cube-shaped dildo!? ))
Helena: (( I WONDER ))
Steely Dan: (( oh ))
Steely Dan: (( gelatinous cube right ))
Nelven: (( you guys... ))
Helena: (( ;o ))
Atargatis: (( Gelatinous cube? Please tell me those things reproduce by splitting ))

Atargatis: (( I am having a difficult time typing for some reason. I predict hilarious results. ))

* Clementine gives them a rude gesture and is done.
* Steely Dan is a bad influence apparently

LooneyDM: The front two skeletons attempt to jump over Steely and Atargatis
Atargatis: (( Jumping Skeletons! ))
Atargatis: (( I equip my +2 tennis racket! ))

Atargatis: (( ALSO! ))
LooneyDM: (( also? ))
Steely Dan: (( also!? ))
Dahmpir: (( also also wik? ))

Steely Dan: (( let's see if it works this time!! ))
Clementine: (( deliciously evil! ))
Dahmpir: (( please dont miss ))
Dahmpir: (( for raests sake ))
* Steely Dan rolls: 1d20+17 => 1 + 17 = 18
Steely Dan: (( oops ))
Dahmpir: (( ....... ))
Atargatis: (( Uh oh ))
Steely Dan: (( you shouldn't talk while I'm rolling! ))
LooneyDM: (( give me a d100 roll, call high or low for hitting the leopard ))
Dahmpir: (( you shouldnt roll when im talking ))

Dahmpir: (( gutsy, since dicekhan has been in love with you all night ))
Clementine: (( I think she's been paying dice kahn with beer. ))
Steely Dan: (( I'm not giving any beer to dicekhan ))
Steely Dan: (( waste of good beer, that ))

Steely Dan: (( also look I remember those trees ))
Steely Dan: (( FUCKIN' TREEEEEEEEEES ))

* Steely Dan rolls: 1d20+15 listen => 20 + 15 = 35
Steely Dan: (( HE HEARS ALL YOUR HEARTS BEATING ))
Steely Dan: (( and also that fart you tried to do really quietly ))

Steely Dan: this movie doesn't really make sense
Clementine: ...What's a ... movie?
Steely Dan: (( THAT WAS OOC ))
Steely Dan: (( CRAP ))

Atargatis: (( What do you guys think - Pies? We can roast the seeds... we could also probably make some great pumpkin soup ))

Steely Dan: (( sure but "Oh no. He has been captured." does not sound like the little dragon cares ))
Steely Dan: (( I AM SUSPICIOUS ))
LooneyDM: (( should I have had him go OH NOES! TEH HORRORS! OUR LEADERS HAS BEEN CAPENTURED! ))
Steely Dan: (( YES YOU SHOULD HAVE ))
Steely Dan: (( little dragons should absolutely use lolspeak ))

Atargatis: Wooo!
Atargatis: (( Uh, that was OOC ))
Atargatis: (( Atargatis is not happy about kidnappings ))
Atargatis: (( Dragonnappings ))
Clementine: (( the dragons are sleeping? ))

Atargatis: (( We're totally getting manipulated by somebody. ))
Steely Dan: (( yes and he's sitting RIGHT OVER THERE *points at looney* ))
LooneyDM: (( well that's a given ))

LooneyGM: Last time our heroes fought a massive pumpkin. What it was doing underground nobody knows
Atargatis: (( ...Finding its roots? ))
Atargatis: "So why don't we go find out? We take the bugbear head and try to get passage to the queen. If this doesn't work, we just kill them all. If we an't get the queen to release the fairy dragon, we kill them all. If we find out they're working with the undead, we kill them all."
Atargatis: "I think this plan suits everyone's needs."
Helena: "Disturbingly high probability of genocide. Sounds like a party."

Atargatis: (( Please stop talking about whatever weird rape porn game you are talking about. I am trying to be heroic and dramatic here! ))
No more talking about F.A.T.A.L. around Atargatis.

LooneyDM out

Thursday, December 2, 2010

Videogames

I have at times succumbed to the lure of videogames when I should be prepping for games. Rarely, but more frequently of late. I blame this particular game. It's called Torchlight. I really should not get so into this game, but it's so fun. Thankfully I've got everything planned out for one of my games until the end of the campaign.

Screenshot from here
LooneyDM out

Tuesday, November 30, 2010

Bending Over Backwards

If there's one thing I've found about the internet it's that it is difficult to get a good group together permanently. People have to go places, people have other stuff they want to do, people have real life engagements. The biggest problem I've run into is getting a group together that meshes well in playstyle expectations. That and finding a DM to run. I run two games a week, and play about once every other week due to the schedule of my one game. Thankfully the players are all good. But there are days that I wish I could play more, and not just in pick up groups I've not played with before. Oh well. I don't feel like contorting that much.

Art from GIS for contortionist
LooneyDM out.

Tuesday, November 23, 2010

Targeting

If you don't shoot the mage first, you've got no one to blame but yourself when she summons another demon after you kill the first. Really it's a time honored tradition. The heavy armored dude in front isn't the problem in the fight. It's the mage behind him. Usually the mage is dropping buffs as well which makes for double the fun. Either way, shoot the mage (or medic) first. It'll save you trouble in the long run.

Art from here
LooneyDM out

Saturday, November 20, 2010

Nose Ring

Nose Ring. Nothing says badass like that. Or says image problems. Especially when its a giant eagle with a nose ring. I mean how does that even work? Puncture straight through the beak? That can't be safe, sanitary or even remotely sensible. The other question is, who did it? The eagle clearly couldn't since it has no hands. Perhaps a wizard did it. Now I have images of a wizard running a piercing and tattoo parlor for monsters who want that special tough look to intimidate adventurers.

Art from here
LooneyDM out

Thursday, November 18, 2010

Swashbuckling

My sky pirates game is entirely underway at this point. They do lack a certain pizazz not having a scantily clad figurehead, or a ship for that matter. All in good time.

Art from here

Sky Piratey quotes for you:

Lyril ( Going to heal Kefin there. )
Kefin (*GIGANTIC RELIEF SIGH*)
Hawkeye (Lyril is PARTY CLERK)

Hawkeye "Might want to tell 'em to come back, she's gonna blow."
Hawkeye sounds hilariously passe about all this
Sergio (yeah Hawkeye is practically off having a rollup XD )

Floret (Hmm... the guy I hit before... I am going to try to violently knock him unconscious for later interrogation! With the hilt of my awesome sword, of course)
LooneyGM (pommel away)

Hawkeye (also he should get +2 for SEXY BOD-AY)
Floret (Oh man, Sergio should have that as a... as a forte or foible)
Hawkeye (we'll call that the Fabio bonus)
Floret ('Loses shirt at every given opportunity')

Floret (This is the longest, bloodiest, most dramatic lifeboat trip ever)

Sergio (treasure! is it the fabled Golden Bearclaw?)
Hawkeye (no, it's the Emerald Eclair)
Sergio (THE DIAMOND MUFFIN??)
Hawkeye (The Ruby Rimoulade)
Sergio (platinum popover?)

LooneyDM out

Tuesday, November 16, 2010

Steampunk

I have no thoughts for today. So here's a fancy dress steampunk lady riding a giant clockwork sparrow

LooneyDM out

Friday, November 12, 2010

Not Dying

Picture is unrelated. Sorta. My sky pirates campaign rolled out on Wednesday. I'm using the Swashbucklers of the Seven Skies setting with the PDQ# rules. One of the specified points of character creation is a character's motivation. Yeah yeah, I know a character is supposed to have a motivation regardless but the way it works into this game is straight up brilliant. Motivation is a game mechanic that can take hits, which in turn generates story hooks. The really lovely part I like as a GM is that all my players have written up what amounts to a one line description of a point that interests their character in world. It makes my job so much easier when I can throw together a convoluted mess that hits on all the characters motivations to bring them together rather than relying on their metagame senses to accept each other in game.
Additionally the rules lighter system means I can consider the plot and story points and not prep enemies until 30 minutes before game. That alone is a massive time saver.
Check out said PDQ# rules here

Art from here
LooneyDM out

Monday, November 8, 2010

Shockwave

The bigger the boom, the more fun you're having. Overkill is just enough kill.

LooneyDM out.

Friday, November 5, 2010

Flame Strike

Going back to the fire and colors theme here. Mostly because I found some awesome picture of aurora borealis on the web. Nothing says pyrotechnics like a sky full of amazing colors. Which is also what you get when the cleric casts flame strike. Praise be to Kossuth!

LooneyDM out

Tuesday, November 2, 2010

Killing things and taking their stuff

Mr Killer here has found a brand new suit. Recently removed from the body of whomever he left dead in the next room. This is something you need to watch out for when switching genres. The players being used to needing those phat lewtz start looting dead bodies at the scene of crimes, when they should be using it as clues for evidence. Such is the pitfall of switching genres. The only thing to be done is create a situation where the extra loot simply doesn't help. Systems that aren't quite so item dependent for character power can be lifesavers in this regard. This is of course assuming that you can get your players to agree to those systems.

Art from here
LooneyDM out

Saturday, October 30, 2010

Character concepts

Cookie Monster barbarian. Take a moment for that to sink in. Cookie Monster barbarian. You are now incredibly terrified of the player that would make such a concept or think they have come up with the most awesome idea ever. One way or the other you can easily identify your GMing style.
I recently finished up the monstergame campaign I was running. The quote on the poster sums up my learning experience nicely. The group I ran this monstergame for optimizes a lot more than my saturday group. Which just means I'll have to run a tighter ship if I want to run for them again. Wednesday group blows the CR system out of the water even when they're only using tier 3 classes. As contrasted with saturday group whom I can tell, make a gestalt character using any and all sources and I'll still end up with a group who can be challenged by a smartly played CR relevant encounter. Such is life.
Now that monstergame is done I've been requested to run a sky pirates game. Sky Pirates will be replacing monstergame on wednesdays. I'll be switching gears away from D&D to run Sky Pirates with the PDQ# system. This should lower my mechanical workload. I will definitely need the lowered workload as the group assembling for Sky Pirates is promising to be even crazier than the group I have saturday night. I'm merely hoping to keep them from turning their first airship trip into a flying circus before the end of the first play session. After that, all bets are off.

Last set of quotes from monstergame:

Heikon: (( Oh snap, Frightful Moan ))
Onotole: (( Just don't moan when next to the succubus ))
Moastuo: (( aye, one lesbian is enough ))

Moastuo: (( are you trying to seduce me? ))
Onotole: (( Please don't seduce him ))

LooneyDM: There's a soft thud and something drops onto the jail floor.
Onotole: (( Ew, he pooped ))

Onotole: "I wonder if we could bottle the acid somehow."
LooneyDM: (( if only you had some vials ))
Onotole: (( This is a wizard's tower. We should have ALL the vials. ))
Mallexantus: (( The party is vial, evil and unrepentant. ))

LooneyDM: (( alright, let's roll ))
Mallexantus: « 1d20 = 11 »
* Moastuo rolls: 1d20 => 15
* Onotole rolls: 1d20 => 2
Onotole: ...
Onotole: Yep.

Mallexantus: "I am Mallexantus, Kyton of Jangling Hiter, bound by the old wizard to act as his jailer until his death freed me."
Moastuo: (( is it bad that I'm misreading that as jangling hitler? ))
Onotole: (( I always do. ))
Mallexantus: (( nope, everyone does. ))
Onotole: (( Mallexantus having a moustache makes him even better. ))

Mallexantus: « 1d20-2 = 20 - 2 = 18 » Ignorance: everything
Mallexantus: (( ... ))
Onotole: (( That's one hell of an ignorance roll ))

LooneyDM: As Lilith speaks the words from the book the obelisk begins to glow.
Temujin: "This should prove illuminating."
Temujin: (( YEEEEEEEEEEAH ))
Onotole: (( I see Lilith has aroused the pillar. ))

Soban (Hybrid Form): "Its a wizard. They do dumb things because they are bored."
Onotole: "I take offense to that."

LooneyDM out

Sunday, October 24, 2010

Call Lightning

All the spell casting classes in D&D have their iconic spells. The wizard has fireball and magic missile. The cleric has cure wounds and turn undead (yeah yeah I know, not technically a spell). The druid has call lightning. Nothing quite says "Why yes nature is my mother and she's exceptionally displeased with you right now" more than one of the most concentrated destructive displays of nature's power directed at your person. Be afraid, for druids can make lightning strike twice. Or even more.

Yes, I'm aware of the typo. I'm too lazy to fix it.
LooneyDM out

Wednesday, October 20, 2010

Pyromancer (Back to fire)

Do you feel that burning sensation? Creeping up from inside you until it consumes your entire body? Yes. That's why you don't mess with the pyromancer. Especially not the female pyromancer. Really, why does anyone every think it's a good idea to mess with the pyromancer. It is however, a wonderful way to get burned.

Art is concept art from Dota 2
LooneyDM out

Saturday, October 16, 2010

Sharks and PCs (Bonus post)

You know how player characters are. Given the slightest chance they'll jump the shark without the slightest hesitation. And spawn all sorts of ridiculous phrases.

Picture today from http://epicwinftw.com/

There's been a switch at the saturday morning game. We've mostly all rolled new characters and Cecilia has taken over as DM. Thus all incoming quotes where it says DM it means Cecilia. Our regular DM is playing the character named Gareth. Other switches
Goldielocks = Akuma
Tirah = Tsoria
Vimac = Ying Z

Quotes:

Ying Z: My character wants to hide under the bed.
Tsoria: Put on your big girl panties and let's go.

DM: Huge stone buttresses.
Gareth: heh heh, she said butt.

DM: The fog is very thick and everywhere.
Gareth: Can I cut it with a knife?

DM: I'm not going to have a skill challenge for you to bury the guy.

Ying Z: The gypsies are probably down by the river.
Looney & Tsoria: In a van!

Ying Z: Someone is in trouble, run away!

Akuma: I probe the gypsies.
DM: They ignore you.
Gareth: I'd ignore you too if a crystal alien was probing me.

Gareth: I was going to say "Put away your sword or you'll have a hammer in your skull."
DM: That would be diplomacy.

Gareth: I use athletics to flex and indimidate him. *rolls a 19* Welcome to the gun show!
Tsoria: Put those away honey.
Kiju: Your wife is dazed and knocked prone.

DM: He locks up your sword.
Gareth: That will be hard because I'm using a hammer.

Ying Z: We'll sleep, fetch Araynay, mount our horses
Gareth: I don't want to know what you do with your horse.

DM: This is about mood so I have to draw the map so you can fiddle with the bits.
Looney: If you can't fiddle your bits it's not old school D&D.

DM: I'll draw the stairs with an arrow showing which way you can go.
Gareth: You can only go one way on the stairs?

Kiju: I open the door and peek through, what do I see?
Gareth: You see us walk through the door.

Gareth: You're stealthy and we're the distraction.

Akuma: 6:06, that's off by an hour (note: it was 10:45)

Ying Z: The last fight damaged my character's psyche so much that she's now recklessly stupid.

Looney: I see (standing in a cloud of darkness)
Akuma: Actually you don't.

Kiju: Save the ranger.
Gareth: Save the world.

Kiju: You guys are married now. Consummate!

Tsoria: Ying Z always rolls more dice than anyone else.
Ying Z: I build my characters that way on purpose.

Gareth: Roll better, shake it more!

Tsoria: Do we get a synergy bonus since we're married.

Looney: You failed your save against ongoing stupidity.

Gareth: The new name for your Everburning torch is Everbursting torch.

Looney: You're a hunk of crystal.
Ying Z: A hunka hunka burning crystal.

LooneyDM out.

Friday, October 15, 2010

Too many dice

It's the truth. You can never have too many dice. And when you're Wil Wheaton you can ask everyone to help you acquire more. It's one of the amazing things you can do with a horde of geek fans. There are many other things you can do with a horde of geek fans but those will be discussed at a later date.

Art from here
LooneyDM out.

Monday, October 11, 2010

Dragonborn Mammaries

I know this is late to the party, but it's still worth the joke. I know I've commented on it in my games before. Especially when people are wondering what the gender of a humaniod is. Just look at the mini. If it has frontal lobes then its totally a female. Inescapable D&D logic right there.

Source is WotC D&D site
LooneyDM out.

Friday, October 8, 2010

My little flaming friend

I have no words to describe this flaming familiar or the funky fire tip crossbow she's wielding.

Art from here
LooneyDM out

Monday, October 4, 2010

Potion of Fire Breathing (fire related, what surprise)

Is your tank asking for ranged options? Is your bard feeling the blues? Have no fear, the magic item guide has your answer. Potion of Fire breathing! Rather than some half assed bow you can gran your tank a classy ranged weapon that really says "I'm the life of the party" rather than "plink plink plink". Your bard can stylize his performance with a real explosive ending. They're good for everyone! Imagine the enemies surprise when the entire party opens up with fire breathing. They'll know for certain that a good 16d6 fire damage hit them right where it hurt! Buy your potions today! Supplies limited so act now. Only 500 gp!*

*plus 600 gp shipping and handling
Art from here
LooneyDM out

Friday, October 1, 2010

Barbecue (fire related!)

This week I've had a burning passion to make posters about fire. Today's poster gives you a heads up on why the pyromancer should no longer be invited to barbecues. Open flame and pyromancers never mixes well. At least for everyone else. The pyromancer would say that everything went burningly wonderful. I think I need a book of pyromancer euphemisms. Stuff along the lines of "By the flames!" or "Prepare for fiery doom!" or "I've got a burning sensation!" It would be a tool for players every where, even if they weren't playing a pyromaniac.
I'll see how long I can keep up this fire theme so expect continued burning into next week with a light chance of raining ash.

Poster picture from failblog.com
LooneyDM out

Wednesday, September 29, 2010

Wall of Fire (and quotes)


The wall of fire! It burns! Sadly I have no quotes about setting things on fire. But I do have quotes:

Clementine: You're welcome, Tar-tar.
Clementine: Wait... where did that come from?
Atargatis: "...Tar-Tar?"

Helena: (( now watch, THIS swordsage has awesome fort saves ))
LooneyDM: (( just for you he got a save boost ))
Helena: (( WHAT? ))
Helena: (( you bastage ))
LooneyDM: (( just kidding ))
Helena: (( :( ))

* Helena tacitly pulls a wand from her cloak. Suddenly the entire area is covered in thick mist.
LooneyDM: (( obsucring mist? ))
Steely Dan: (( that is so dirty ))
Nelven: (( ... ))
Steely Dan: (( pulls out a WAND ))
Steely Dan: (( THICK MIST ))
Nelven: (( get that head out of the gutter ))

Helena: (( wow, short session is short ))

Atargatis: ....I forgot to set my pizza-cooking timer
Steely Dan: YER MAKIN' PIZZA!?
Nelven: What's a... pizza?
Steely Dan: Ah dinnae ken, but if'n ye cook it, it must be food
Helena: "Pizza is delicious."
Atargatis: (( Hey, when Atargatis says things, she puts it in quotes ))
Atargatis: (( So really she just emoted the sensation of having forgotten to set a timer for pizza ))

LooneyDM: The lightning bolt tickles the scorpion
Nelven: (( does it giggle? ))

*giant scorpion crab grapple pins Atargatis
Helena: (( to transpose Nelven and Atargatis or not to transpose Nelven and Atargatis... ))
Nelven: (( what! ))

Steely Dan: (( by the way steely is slightly more intelligent now. I upped his int. ))
Steely Dan: (( now I am dumb as a rock ))
Steely Dan: (( instead of dumber than a rock ))

*talking about a folding boat that changes size when the magic words "hokey pokey" are spoken*
Clementine: We should name this boat.
Nelven: (( the hokey pokey? ))
Atargatis: (( No, if we did that, it would change size every time we tried to talk about it ))

Helena: (( Looney, I want to do something outside of the rules ))
LooneyDM: (( what sort of something? ))
Steely Dan: (( seducing the bugbears is illegals ))
LooneyDM: (( seducing is well within the rules ))

Clementine: (( I think the bugbears should spell words... like a marching band. ))
Atargatis: (( That's what would pep up this fight - a Sousa march! ))
*LooneyDM spells out "DIE" with the bugbears
Clementine: (( ... but not that word. ))
Steely Dan: (( ... ))
Steely Dan: (( I FEEL LIKE ))
Steely Dan: (( THEY ARE TRYING ))
Steely Dan: (( TO TELL ME SOMETHING ))

LooneyDM: (( Atargatis is up ))
Helena: (( crack its head open ))
Helena: (( ELDER MOUNTAIN HAMMER ))
Atargatis: (( Might as well! It's HAMMER TIME ))
* Atargatis rolls: 1d20+14 => 20 + 14 = 34
Atargatis: (( ... ))
Helena: (( YES ))
Steely Dan: (( YEAH ))
Steely Dan: (( UNLEASH THE FURY ))
*bugbear was overkilled by 70 points of damage

* Nelven rolls: 4d6+2 Scorching Ray => 10 + 2 = 12
Nelven: (( average, figures. ))
Nelven: (( is he still alive? ))
LooneyDM: The bugbear burns but remains standing.
LooneyDM: (( WITH ONE HIT POINT! ))

Steely Dan: (( highfive! ))
Steely Dan: (( or in this case... lowfive? ))
Atargatis: (( Lowfive it is! ))

* Atargatis rolls: 1d8+4+1d6+2d6+2d6+4d6 damage groar! => 1 + 4 + 2 + 12 + 12 + 20 = 51
Atargatis: (( Survive THAT ))

LooneyDM: (( Clementine is up ))
Helena: (( she does a jig ))
* Clementine does an old-woman jig.
* Clementine 's arms flap in the breeze.

* Steely Dan rolls: 1d20+16 => 9 + 16 = 25
LooneyDM: (( that will hit, if your luck holds true ))
Steely Dan: (( okay ))
Steely Dan: (( I will say... high hits ))
* Steely Dan rolls: 1d100 => 51

*After the party fails to miss despite being entirely blinded AGAIN!
LooneyDM: (( I hate you all ))
Atargatis: (( Hate us? We're just trying to wrap up the fight so you can rest your aching muscles! ))
Atargatis: (( We kill your bugbears because we love you! ))

Steely Dan: (( we paint a window on the wall ))
Steely Dan: (( and then you use the sphere ))
Steely Dan: (( oh and we put spikes in that window ))
Steely Dan: (( so the sphere throws them on spikes ))
Steely Dan: (( and we'll cover the spikes with acid too. for good measure. ))
Nelven: (( i like that idea! ))
Atargatis: (( Me too ))

LooneyDM: (( let's get this show on the road ladies ))
Clementine: (( not even going to give us a chance to use diplomacy? ))
Steely Dan: (( ...hahaha we are all chicks aren't we ))
Steely Dan: (( yeah but it's just funny when he's all "let's go ladies" and I'm like "hey we're not... oh wait, our CHARACTERS are male" ))

Steely Dan: (( the window is good. our trap is laid. ))
LooneyDM: (( it's like the window from good night moon ))
Steely Dan: (( yes except it's GOOD NIGHT BUGBEARS AMIRITE ))

Atargatis: (( I do have a second attack stat ))
Atargatis: (( But I've never used it ))
LooneyDM: (( no time like the present ))
* Atargatis rolls: 1d20+11 => 1 + 11 = 12
LooneyDM: (( I gues the present hates you ))
Atargatis: (( No presents? Aw! ))

LooneyDM: (( why is this bugbear named paul? ))
Clementine: (( why not? ))
Clementine: (( don't you LIKE his name? ))
LooneyDM: (( because it's a horrible name for a bug bear ))
Clementine: (( he's rather attached to it. ))
Clementine: (( now you've hurt his feelings ;n; ))
Atargatis: (( Paul and George, but no John or Ringo? ))
LooneyDM: (( they should be named stuff like undergotten ))
LooneyDM: (( not Paul ))
Clementine: (( John and Ringo are dead. ))
Atargatis: (( Then name some of the dead Bugbears John and Ringo ))
Clementine: (( I suppose you don't like Larry, either? ))
VortDM: (( no ))
Nelven: (( who gave them names? XD ))
Clementine: (( <_<>
LooneyDM: (( at least there's no curly or moe ))
Atargatis: (( How about Inky, Blinky, and Sue? ))
Clementine: (( they get points in stooging. ))
Steely Dan: (( could be another larry ))
Steely Dan: (( like, the cable guy ))

Clementine : I have a nice PIE for yoU!
Steely Dan: Pie?
Steely Dan: Ah'd like some pie
* Clementine whispers. Doom pie.

Helena: (( Then I'd name the horse Pikachu Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way the Electric Emo Horse ))

Clementine: (( nakidmancer? ))

Helena: (( I want the deathknight to be my pet ))
Clementine: (( that sounds kinky. ))
Helena: (( I'll call him Charlie ))

Helena: (( I count 1 bugbear, and its name is JEREMIAH ))
Helena: (( today's session will be sitting down and having a nice tea with Jeremiah ))
Steely Dan: (( I shall bring the crumpets ))

Nelven: (( okay then, myko, you need to infiltrate that bugbear lair, and find a way to kil that deathknight before it gets to us ))
Clementine: (( initiation! ))

Helena: (( « 1d20+19 = 19 + 19 = 38 » bugbear warrior ))
Steely Dan: (( oh man you are gonna know EVERYTHING ))
Helena: (( I make a check for each type, right? ))
Steely Dan: (( what his favorite color is ))
Steely Dan: (( boxers or briefs ))

Nelven: (( do you want me to grab the wand now or later? ))
Nelven: (( i can do my own empowering first ))
Helena: (( grab the rod now ))
Steely Dan: (( grab it. oh yeah. that's it. ))
Steely Dan: (( grab it REAL GOOD ))
Helena: (( .... ))
Nelven: (( ... ))
Steely Dan: (( <_<>
Helena: (( stupid magic items being suggestive ))
Nelven: (( up yours ))
Steely Dan: (( no I think helena wants it up yours ))

LooneyDM out

Friday, September 24, 2010

Pyrotechnics

Setting things on fire. One of the humble pasttimes of RPG characters everywhere. What is it about fire than entrances us so? Is it the primal fascination with something so unlike anything else occurring in nature that draws us in? The hypnotic motion of the flicker light? The fact that it emits light so close to us? I assume we do it for the pretty colors. Same goes for explosions.

LooneyDM out

Monday, September 20, 2010

Rules Complexity

There's something to be said for non-complex games. And then people have to go doing crazy things like adding more complexity to games like rock paper scissors. Wasn't the original good enough for you? Did you have to mess it up so much with all those house rules that while technically balanced are nigh impossible to remember? I get this way about people adding massive amounts of homebrew to simple rpgs as well. It just doesn't make any sense!

On my opinion of rules complexity: I feel one should have as much complexity as you need to appropriately model the playstyle of the genre. For example, any version of D&D has too many rules for a swashbuckling game. They're simply too complex to encourage the style of play the exemplifies swashbuckling games. Contrary-wise, D&D of any version simply doesn't have enough rules to accomplish what Exalted or Rifts expect from their genre's.

Art from GIS for rock paper scissors
LooneyDM out

Friday, September 17, 2010

Rescue Quests

Rescue quests are a staple of fantasy gaming and RPGs in general. This cliche trope exists in nearly every D&D campaign that has been run. This doesn't stop an enterprising DM from changing things up to play off the assumptions of the players for everyone's amusement. Like having the princess be quite happy to be out of her stuffy home and having fun painting up the dragon. If you're stuck for ideas I recommend "The Ransom of Red Chief" by O Henry.

LooneyDM out

Thursday, September 16, 2010

Plane Shift (and quotes)

Plane shift is a lovely way to start a campaign. Or end one. Which reminds me. One of my saturday games shifted to ravenloft. There was much rejoicing. *muted yay*. The immediate upside is that our regular DM is hilarious as a player, especially when he bounces comments off either his wife or another player he's been playing D&D with forever. The other upside is our stand in DM likes us to play at higher levels so we're mid paragon (4e stuff) tier for this one shot into ravenloft. After that it's another plane shift to dark sun! Bring on the starvation, dehydration, and cannibalism!

Qutoes:
DM: You have to use your imagination.
Goldielocks: But that's what you're here for.

Vimac: I'll go with victorious surge.
DM: To victory, and beyond!

M: Anyone want to commit suicide?
Goldielocks: I'm good at that.

DM: You cross a bridge over the river.
Vimac: The river Kwai?

DM: They introduce you to the talking chief.
Goldielocks: The talking sheep?

DM: Good conjuring trick.
Tirah: I am divine

Cecilia: I'm using this pencil because I can take out both Green Lanterns with it.

DM: A corroded bronze tube.
Vimac: Tuba

DM: It looks like the metal tube was used as a megaphone.
Cecilia: I announce 'all your base are belong to us'.

DM: One of the greyhawk deities has six shooters from the wild west.
Cecilia: He's rocking it Jonathan Hex style.
Vimac: Where do you think Jonathan Hex came from?

Looney: The wilden impales you.
Cecilia: You're not the DM of me.

Flora: Wilden always speak as we.
Tirah: Would your we like to join our we?

Flora: Flora will come back as her cousin
DM: Fauna

LooneyDM out

Monday, September 13, 2010

New Players

We've all had that new player. Whether they arrive of their own volition or dragged by a friend they happen to all DMs. One player who simply doesn't get it and makes honest mistakes to the amusement of all the others at the table. You have to keep your amusement to yourself though or they may not come back. That's one variety.
Occasionally you get the ones who are intentionally obtuse for the straight up enjoyment of the rest of the group. These players should be treasured. Until they become annoying. Then they should be whacked with a nerf bat until they fall back in line, for the moment. Eventually they'll creep back into the spotlight with unignorable crazy antics.

Art by Jolly Jack
Until next time LooneyDM out

Friday, September 10, 2010

Epic Sandbox Games

There are days I wish I could be prepared enough to run an epic sandbox game IN SPACE! Then I realize I barely keep this blog updated on time and won't be able to rock that sort of preparation.

LooneyDM out.

Thursday, September 9, 2010

Evil Hideouts (and quotes)

Ever wish you had a secret lair? Ever wish you had a theme song to go with that secret lair? I sure do. Seeing Jonathan Coulton at PAX got me thinking about evil lairs and hideouts. Even if I wasn't evil I think I'd want one. After all you get to hide stuff in them and have secrets. Secret passages! Also plenty of room to have one of those big world maps to plot world domination. Or play wargames. To stick with the theme here's quotes from the monster game I DM. They're fairly evil and getting worse every session.

Soban: (( Which we heroically rescued... Most of ))
Moastuo: (( "heroically" ))

* Moastuo has apparently taken the wrong portal and ended up in a senate chamber or something, what with all the voting and debate.

Onotole: (( Tell Lilith about the rod >:C ))
Heikon: (( We should just get together and award Lilith Knowledge: The Rod. ))
Heikon: (( She's an expert in her field ))

Onotole: (( Man, today's rolls have been great ))
Lilith: (( ... ))
Soban (Hybrid Form): « token.init = 1d20+2 = token.init = (1 + 2) = 3 »
Lilith: (( you be fucking quiet ))

LooneyDM: Heikon shakes the green eyed monster like a baby
Heikon: (( SIDS full attack! ))

Moastuo: "Wouldn't mind some more kobolds, myself."
Onotole: "There is no challenge to kobolds."
Moastuo: "Who said anything about challenge?"
Onotole: "If we're not challenged, then we can't know our limits. And if we don't know our limits, we can't improve upon them in a later iteration."
Moastuo: "Maybe I want to find some kobolds because they taste good, unlike everything else we've run into."
Onotole: "You're just like Heikon, always thinking of food."

Onotole: (( Lilith is having fun at the library? ))
Moastuo: (( what are you implying, good sir? ))
LooneyDM: Mallexantus, Onotole, and Heikon nail the last two as they try to feel
LooneyDM: (( flee ))
Onotole: (( Now they're trying to feel Lilith, who is having fun at the library ))

Lilith: (( « 1d20+23 = 20 + 23 = 43 » spot « 1d20+23 = 20 + 23 = 43 » listen ))
Lilith: (( ...what ))
Lilith: (( the fuck ))
Lilith: (( jesus fucking christ on a motherfucking stick ))

Onotole: (( Wait, why are Fisto and his friend, Fisto Jr, here? ))
Lilith: (( magic ))
Heikon: (( Oh shit, portal to 4e ))
*Moastuo having fun with tokens from his other game

LooneyDM: (( right then. xps ))
Onotole: (( Looney, if you say 679 XP, I will throttle you ))
Heikon: (( Of course not. ))
Heikon: (( 678. ))
Onotole: (( Don't make the throttle you too ))

Onotole: (( It doesn't really matter where they're going ))
Lilith: (( it doesn't? ))
Heikon: (( "we got our asses kicked" is all they're gonna get from him for Intel ))
Heikon: (( "THE UMBRELLA LOOKED AT ME AND THEN THE DEVIL WAS MY DEAD MINION ;_;" ))

Heikon: (( One save. On a 20. GOD, I love being scary. ))
Mallexantus: (( welcome to the dark side. ))

Moastuo: (( ceasing concentration on Ono's rage, duration is 5 rounds. Standard to throw a Rage at soban ))
Onotole: (( I'm imagining Moastuo as the medic Ubercharging ))
Moastuo: (( more of a kritz than an uber ))
Mallexantus: (( I am heavy weapons monstrosity. And this... is my axe. ))
Onotole: (( It costs two hundred thousand gp to swing this axe for twelve seconds ))
Onotole: (( One of you sneaks is Spy ))
Moastuo: (( I've been disguised for the entirety of the game, if it's anyone, it's me ))
Heikon: (( ...Heikon's the Pyro, isn't she. ))
Onotole: (( Heikon is very W+M1, yes ))

Mallexantus: (( I'm the embodiment of lawful evil. Be efficient, be polite, and always have a plan to kill everyone you meet. ))

Onotole: (( You must construct additional dakka ))

LooneyDM out

Monday, September 6, 2010

Conventional Motivation (Downtime)

I had some downtime this weekend as I traveled to the far off land of Seattle to go to PAX. Much fun was had by all participants. Things of note. Saw Paul and Storm for the first time in concert. I may have a new favorite band. Played many board games and video games with all my friends. One very important item I learned this weekend. WotC's official Dungeon Delves are horrible ways to have people learn 4e. Hands down the worst teaching experience I've ever seen. To be fair I'm sure the DM was used to people trying to power through the delve and it appeared that his table was close to a booth where they were getting people to yell for swag. That said, our two rogues were killed before the hour was up (one of which's player had never played any RPG before), the cleric was dragged off by an at-will stun monster, one fighter was nearly dead, the other was hiding in the corner, and the wizard (myself) was pissed due to not finding out earlier that a bridge we were crossing was 30 feet over a ravine thus making my slide power incredibly useful. I did drop an enemy or two off, but it wasn't enough to save us.
So yeah. Delves are a crappy way to learn 4e. Also way to go WotC putting all the learning delves during the big panels and not running any in the middle of the day when we had some time. Doubly way to go because they then cancelled the learning delves on Sunday.

LooneyDM out

Tuesday, August 31, 2010

Cloak of Fire Resistance

Magic items are magical. Thus like the hat of disguise they should take whatever form the wearer desires to best express their form or function. In this case a business suit suffices. Not exactly what you'd expect for a cloak of fire resistance now is it? However it speak wonderfully of the style of the game. It reminds me a little of The Tuxedo, which was a decent Jackie Chan movie other than Jennifer love hewitt who clearly has none of the capabilities necessary to co star in a Jackie Chan movie.

Art from here
LooneyDM out

Friday, August 27, 2010

Familiars and their ilk

Thinking about all the long lived races in D&D, it makes me wonder why you don't see more of them taking humans and demi humans as familiars. After all they could have class levels to make them a potent threat rather than an xp sinkhole. Also opposable thumbs. Don't underestimate the use of opposable thumbs. Cats don't have them, lizards and bats don't have them, demi humans do. Enough said.

Art from here
LooneyDM out