Killing your enemies is so bland. You can do so much better than a few fatal flesh wounds. Which is why the flesh to stone spell was invented. Much like freezing your enemies in carbonite you can have a pleasant reminder of your defeated enemies without the mess of a skeletal decaying trophy. It has the added benefit of allowing pigeons to crap on their heads like the poor statue is experiencing in the motivator for today. Or you could chip little bits off and glue them back on in other places. Your enemies will look incredibly classy with their nose attached to their ass or their head stuck between their knees.
I sadly haven't had a chance to use flesh to stone on my enemies, or even my players yet. Thus I lack amusing anecdotes about its usage. I leave that as an exercise for the reader.
When you think of a dragon slayer you usually think of a knight in shining armor. Not a guy flying a propeller plane. My how the times have changed. Mr Sleepyhead Dragon woke up just in time for World War II and now he's pissed. Thankfully the air force (I'm not a military buff so I have no idea who these planes belong to) is here to stop him from causing too much trouble. Provided he doesn't chomp them into tiny metallic bits in short order. This is mere proof of the fact that dropping most any fantasy monster into a modern campaign shifts the genre from modern to monster movie rather than fantasy.
There are days I want to run a fantasy-modern mash up game. The players occupation would vary on the time period and who employed them. Special ops employed by the government to keep the "weirds" or "storybooks" in check or being the "storybooks" themselves trying to survive in a hostile world that doesn't want them around. Either way lots of fun to be had. Then I realize I've got two games running already and don't have time to run any more games. Nor could a run in lighter systems as the player pools available pretty much know D&D and only D&D with a smattering of exceptions. Back to the looney cave for more plotting!
This post brought to you by the insanity of 3.5 D&D. Which I love to bits, in many ways for crazy shit like this. Take one energy substitution feat, add a fireball, stir and a short time later: Tada! The Coldball. Or Iceball. Or better yet, the Acidball. Acidball isn't quite as brain twitchy as a fireball doing cold damage. It simply makes your brain short out. Much like you were hit by a fireball that does cold damage. The nonsensical contradictory nature of the result of the rules makes me happy. More so when I get to explain it to someone to see the look on their face.
There's only one feasible explanation for draconic breath weapons. Halitosis. Really bad halitosis. Our friendly neighborhood knight and his flying mount found that out the hard way in today's poster. The breath weapon doesn't quite appear to be the acid that black dragons should have what with all the red there. But it's still a good illustration of what happens when you don't brush your teeth for several centuries. That's a good concept for a comedic game. Now if I only had a comedy game.
Would you drink from any of the pictured delightfully glowing bottles of unlabelled substances? Identifying potions by taste test really puts the adventure in adventurer. Doubly so if you get a description worthy of the rainbow-tastic brew of potions you available in today's motivator. Best to have the dwarf go first. They've got all sorts of crazy drinking related immunities. Or the elf, since they're expendable. Or the halfling, as revenge for stealing your shinies.
A man's home is his castle. In some cases, a man's castle is his castle. In those cases he's allowed to color whatever color he wants. Including yellow, red, and blue like the castle in today's poster. D&D hasn't had castle building for a few editions now which is a crying shame. The party will really feel at home if they have their own base of operations. A few mechanical benefits will tend to seal the deal on any base you give them. ie protection circles, extra rest benefits, etc. It has side benefits for you as a GM. The party has a central location that adversaries can discover. Said adversaries can attack the base while the party is away to make any feuds they have exceptionally personal without damaging any of the party themselves. The party has a fun little fort for when the bad guys come calling. The list goes on and on.
Every now and again I ask myself "Why am I doing this?" "Why do I keep creating worlds and encounters and stories and all of it?". Then my players do or say something completely unexpected and I stop asking questions. At least those questions. Then I start asking "Why did I let them have that item?" "Are they going to blow through my meticulously crafted encounter in 2 rounds?" "Why did I let them adopt the ninja squirrel?" On to the quotes!
* Mallexantus extends chains from Heikon to kill the last visible living one.
Onotole: (( Funny because it's in Onotole's mouth right now. ))
Onotole: "Mmph mumble mumble pthbbt."
Mallexantus: (( consider it dental floss. 35ft long, jagged, barbed metal dental floss. ))
Mallexantus: "There are few problems in life that can't be solved with two chains, on fire, flung with all yor might at the enemy."
Onotole: "Such as getting out of a Wizard's tower."
* Mallexantus bristles slightly, but doesn't have a witty rejoinder for that.
Onotole: (( Channeling a swift kick in the shins. ))
Mallexantus: (( Lillend, no feet. ))
Onotole: (( air elementals have shins? ))
Mallexantus: (( so we're attacking them in a body part they don't have with a body part we don't have? ))
Xochitl holds up a WAND.
Moastuo: "Ooooo, a stick!"
* Mallexantus holds aloft a short metallic rod capped on both ends with blue stones just seconds before losing interest in the task.
Moastuo: "Make that TWO sticks!"
Mallexantus: "Okay then. What is it?"
Helena: (( magic vibrator ))
Helena occasionally spectates this game.
Helena: (( stick of Ooo. ))
* Xochitl whacks herself with the Ooo stick.
Xochitl: "This way if you annoy me, I can hit you and not betray my alignment."
Mallexantus: "Just so long as you're taking pleasure from hitting people out of spite."
Soban (Hybrid Form): "Awesome, we can hit people to heal them. Can we continue on now?"
Mallexantus: (( so, come in peace or shoot to kill? ))
Moastuo: (( yes ))
Heikon: (( Sorry for the delay. A friend wanted me to teach him how to write lesbian erotica. ))
LooneyDM: (( WHAT? ))
It all went downhill from there.
LooneyDM: (( you'll like what's coming a little further down ))
Onotole: (( Is it cookies ))
LooneyDM: (( not quite ))
Onotole: (( Oh crap cookie golems ))
Mallexantus: (( Dough elementals? ))
Helena: (( brownies? *giggle ))
LooneyDM: (( nope ghost can't smeen ))
LooneyDM: (( smell ))
Helena: (( GHOST NOT SMEEN ))
Mallexantus: (( no-one can smeen. ))
* Onotole can smeen.
Helena: (( I have Improved Smeening ))
Mallexantus: (( that was close, and close is good. ))
Moastuo: (( whaddya mean close, I only took three damage? ))
Soban (Hybrid Form): (( Hey Moastuo, you want to trade Damage? ))
Soban took ~90 damage that fight
Mallexantus: (( wasn't sure if the hail mary flank and fireball would work or leave Mal gangtentacled. ))
Moastuo: (( magic stones of breast enhancement. ))
Moastuo: (( tape them to your chest, BAM, larger breasts ))
LooneyDM whisper to Xochitl: give me a will save
LooneyDM whisper to Mallexantus: give me a will save
Xochitl: « 1d20+6 = 3 + 6 = 9 »
Mallexantus: « 1d20+6 = 3 + 6 = 9 »
Mallexantus: (( jinx? ))
Moastuo: (( and thus our healer and reachmonkey were dominated by forces unknown. ))
Onotole: " Great, the boob-stones have taken over their minds."
Xochitl: « 1d20+1 = 10 + 1 = 11 »
Xochitl: ((I AM SO STEALTHY))
Scoring the only player crit of the evening, Moastuo shoots Heikon
Ever had that little niggling voice in the back of your head that tells you to make your players too late to stop the BBEG's final ritual? I know I have. Much like the poster indicates. I also feel that it gives you a chance to practice describing epic pyrotechnics as well. I've yet to pull this on my players. I'm considering it could be a wonderful lead in to a new campaign, depending on their success or failure against whatever it is that the ritual does. After all if you end a campaign with a tpk, you can start the next one 200 years later with the players being part of the revolution against the BBEG. You never know how long demonic forces are going to stick around, and there's always a chance that if you don't keep them appeased they may just drop you entirely from their party invite list. It would be so like the pesky heroes to interrupt the ritual sacrifice and cause your previously friendly demonic allies to turn on you at the most inopportune time.
Reflex defense, reflex save. Mechanically nearly identical. The only variation being who's rolling the dice. That and evasion being much more available in slightly earlier editions of D&D for avoiding those pesky dragon breath weapons. You can see a wonderful example of a dragon breath weapon in the above poster. I've used a few dragons against my players in my time as a GM. The most memorable fight didn't have the dragon using its breath weapon much at all. This was due to the players engaging it from the backs of hippogriffs. They were suitable cowed when it first showed up over the town they had made their home base. Fortunately not cowed so far as to run screaming for the hills. Two of them nearly died in the fight and a grand time was had by all. Except the townsfolk who had their houses crushed by the falling body of the deceased dragon, but that was inconsequential.
Quoting quotable quotes of quintessence. Alliteration is lots of fun. My players discovered the joys of this recently and have had no end of fun with it. I now throw open the metaphorical curtains on the main attraction, the quotes!
Steely Dan: (( soaring acorn needs initiative too ))
Blacky: (( Good old floating pecan. ))
Helena: (( hovering hazelnut ))
Clementine: (( flaming nuts? ))
Steely Dan: (( airborne walnut ))
Helena: (( aviating almond ))
* Soaring Acorn scuttles forward
* Blacky watches Crushing Cashew
Helena: (( marvelous marzipan ))
Steely Dan: (( pummeling pistachio? ))
Helena: (( perspicacious peanut ))
Atargatis: (( Plummeting Pistachio might be better ))
Clementine: (( my puns are a shell of their nutty selves. ))
My players have a hate-hate relationship with the automated dice roller we use for our online gaming. Originally named dicebot, it's name was later changed to dicechan. My players have referred to said dice roller bot by such names as dicekhan and dickchan. This is when they're being charitable. Dicechan takes the abuse without word and tends to give back in kind. Hence the poster today about rolling lots of ones. Which doesn't seem to affect me when I'm DMing. At least not a whole lot. With as many ones as dicechan gives out to the players it makes them ecstatic when they roll crits.