Wednesday, August 15, 2012

Absent Player

It's been a while since I've brought in quotes from my real life game.  Mostly because I have to transcribe them from the notebook where I record them.  Have a heaping helping of them.

LooneyDM out

Tor:  Fists of Flurry.
Looney:  It gives the enemy a brain freeze.

Bones:  Let me guess.  It goes splody and the acid goes up our noses.
Gareth:  This room is probably safer.
Thalia:  But this room is stinky.

DM:  You have to spend the next 8 hours praying to your gods to bring Tor back and 8 hours to heal him.
Looney(halfing storm sorcerer):  While I defibrillate.
Curd(minotaur):  And I perform CPR.

Curd(minotaur):  Let the cow end it.
Thalia:  It would be a mooving ending.

DM: Tor
Curd:  Tor it up man.

Curd:  Huzzah
Looney:  That's what I was waiting for

Gareth: Charge Curd
Curd charges and misses, again

DM:  The armor on the stand changes from junk to something else.
Gareth:  +1 junk

Tor:  I fist the skeleton

DM:  There are silver and platinum dragon statues.
Curd:  I peel the foil off and eat the chocolate.

DM: Curd, I mean Turd's turn.

Thalia:  Where's the beef?
Curd(minotaur):  In the back!
Curd:  Come on goring charge.  I hit!  I'm surprised!
Gareth:  So are we.

Thalia:  I move next to the cow and hope I'm not downwind.
Gareth:  I say...
Curd:  Monkeys.
Gareth:  I do say that a lot.

Curd:  I use wild shape.
Looney:  Wild shit?
Curd:  That would stink.

Curd:  The statue now grants combat advantage.
Gareth:  We need it.

Thalia:  I hate choosing feats.
Curd:  Me too, I can never choose left or right.

Thalia:  That's a lot of blood.  How many anime characters did they kill?

Bones:  Vampires. (To Curd) We need you to turn into a celestial dentist.

Curd:  What are you going to do when they come for you.  Portal hands, Portal hands (Last fight of keep on the shadowfell)

Gareth:  Unless Orcus comes through we're fine.
Curd:  If his big toe comes through, we're screwed.
Gareth:  His vorpal toe nail decapitates the entire party.

Talon:  Surrender and die!
DM:  He's in a pickle.
Thistle:  Looks more like a sammich.

DM:  This is definitely the armory.  20 spears, 30 glaives, 2 barrels of brandy.
Gerta:  And a partridge in a pear tree.

Looney:  I flail with my flail.

Gerta:  I have this image of the half-orc waking up with curlers and a sleep mask.
DM:  He continues his hooting.
Talon:  Hootie and the blowfish.

Talon:  I throw a body in the water.
DM:  Another claw drags the body under.
Thistle:  This is fun.  Throw another one in.

Thistle(Ranger):  The ranger tells you there is a 90% chance of raining monsters.
DM:  It's the most deatherous.

Talon:  Dwarves are the klansmen of D&D.

Looney:  Defenstrate!

DM:  You slice through his spine.
Looney:  Quick, prop him back up and have him tell the other guards that everything is fine.

Osix:  Can I disable the ballista?
Gerta:  Just cut the string!

DM:  He runs away and you hear a splash.
All:  *looks into the room*
DM:  It's the toilet.  40 foot down to the cesspool.
All: Ewww
Thistle:  he was looking a little flushed.

DM:  Are you shooting at the one on the left or the right?
Osix:  Yes.

DM:  You hit him and he goes down the toilet.

Thistle:  I'll draw a little barn since he's stable.

Looney:  Are there more monkeys?
DM:  No those are ninjas.

Thistle:  Does Gerta want to grab my sword as she goes down.
Osix:  That sounds kinky.

Thistle:  We're so cautious now.
Gerta:  Dying will do that to you.

Bartox:  I smash the door open quietly.  I use a pillow.

DM:  You find a small locked chest.
Osix:  I search it for traps.
DM:  You find none.
Osix:  Is it locked?

Talon:  What was that on the floor?
Thistle:  Besides his head.

Talon:  I use my superior intellect to figure it out.
DM:  This is first edition, your superior intellect isn't going to do squat.

DM:  The plate mail is for a 7 foot tall guy.  It probably won't fit.
Thistle:  We have a blacksmith.  He can hem it.

Looney:  The ranger has traded her dog for a wild boar.  This is an upgrade because if it dies it can be lunch.

Looney:  I use a mirror to reflect the lightning bolt.
DM: That won't work.
Osix:  What if it was a rubber mirror

Osix:  We almost killed a slanty eyed lady
DM: You racist bastard

Osix: Werebear
Thistle: As opposed to a carebear

DM: You take 10 points of frost damage.
Thistle:  Do you like my frosted tips?
Thistle: You're all dirty.

Osix:  My name used to be Evil Elf Woman

Bartox:  Can I bullrush the minotaur?

Looney: Giant Dwarf

Osix:  The pit trap is secure. *walks forward and falls into it*
Talon:  I laugh uncontrollably.

Osix:  I'm a slowed salty snack right now

Talon:  I throw darts as our sled arrives.  Drive by shooting.

DM: Who's female?

Osix: *returns to gaming table* "I rolled a 20 on that"
Looney:  On your poo check?

Gerta:  I am not goosing the dwarf

Thistle: 9
DM: Nien

Looney:  Are gnolls people?

DM:  The floor is made of sand.
Gerta:  If anyone needs to use the litterbox, now is the time.

Talon (wizard): I'm going to keep it and call it Bob

DM:  3 tentacles lash out at Gerta and 3 tentacles lash out at Buttocks (Bartox)

Players: Roll low!
DM: *Rolls dice into his coffee mug*  Oh it's a 1.

DM:  Thistle's up
Osix: Thistle's hurt

Osix:  I have a short longsword

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